the teddy bear effect

Posted on August 2, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

I’m a little bit excited here.

Ok, maybe that’s an understatement.

Today’s word I. just. love. It’s the next word in Paul’s Philippians 4:8 goodness. We’ve explored thinking things that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely… all with beautiful goals of honoring the Lord, staying focused on great stuff, and my passion: circumventing conflict before it even starts.

So what’s today’s word? Admirable.

A few fun facts about admirable:

Like ‘lovely,’ it is used only here.

In Greek, it looks like this coolness: εὔφημα.

The first part εὔ is the prefix of words like ‘euphemism’ – it means good.

In case its helpful, a euphemism is substituting a favorable word in place of an inauspicious one. And don’t you love definitions that need to be defined! Inauspicious means unfavorable {it pops up again below}. So it’s substituting a favorable word in place of an unfavorable one. (examples: ‘passed away,’ being ‘let go’)

And actually, the second part, φημα, also aligns with euphemism. It means fame or report. It’s from the word φημί, meaning to say, declare, or make known one’s thoughts.

So admirable (εὔφημα) is also translated ‘of good report.’ It is making known your good thoughts.

It includes ‘keeping a holy silence.’ So it includes abstaining from inauspicious words {there’s that ‘inauspicious’ word again!} – keeping from saying unfavorable things.

But these aren’t just ‘euphemistic’ good thoughts. It’s not just saying something nice even though you’re trying to cover for something less nice. They are at least positive and constructive rather than negative and destructive. But it’s more than that. It goes deeper than that.

I love this: Admirable (εὔφημα) is described as ‘implying essential worthiness.’

Don’t you just love that? Can you imagine if all our comments about one another implied essential worthiness? If they implied the essential worth that each believer has as the son or daughter of the King! If they implied the essential worth that Christ implies – or more than that, enacts, embodies, exemplifies… bought! He bought each and every believer with His. own. blood. That is the essential worthiness of every believer (and those not yet believers!).

It’s like a tattered teddy. There are plenty of negative or critical or lacking things to observe about him.

But can you imagine being critical about the bear to its owner? Can you imagine telling its precious owner that this bear is ratty and a piece of trash?

Yikes.

Instead, how does the owner perceive the bear? If we think about him through an admirable lens, how would our description of him change? What would we say if we thought about him through the lens of ‘implying essential worthiness’?

Valuable. Precious. Useful. We’d look past the tattered parts – not because we ignore them, but because we see them differently. They’re not inauspicious things to critique; instead, they give the bear some of its worth and identity. They speak of memories and camaraderie. They are part of its essential worthiness.

It might be kind of how God sees us…

And how we could choose to see each other!

The gift you don’t want to give

Posted on July 12, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

While we were visiting family over the 4^th, the big ‘treat’ for our niece and nephews was to play on our iPhones. I made the ‘mistake’ of asking them if they wanted to download a new game, so that became the game! Download a game, play it for a second, then download the next free game, play it for a second… you get the drill. But we’re a doting uncle and aunt, so we played along!

As they were wrapping up playing with the phones, my niece started to pour water on it. “No, don’t do that!” we exclaimed. She kind of shrunk back.

She has a tender heart and a huge desire to be helpful. I think sometimes her heart to be helpful gets her in ‘trouble.’ So I wondered what she might be trying to do to be helpful that led her to douse our iPhone? I asked, “Were you trying to wash the phone for us before you gave it back?” She nodded sheepishly. I said, “Thank you for wanting to be so helpful,” and rubbed her back. She unwilted a little.

It’s amazing how often we can do that in life. Someone is well-intended with a good heart to be helpful, and we may quash that in our response or interaction. Too much of that, and we may end up quashing their God-honoring, beautiful heart. Redirect her actions so her desiring-to-be-helpful-heart is helpful? Absolutely. But if she keeps getting in ‘trouble’ when she’s intending to be helpful… well, eventually, she may give up on trying to be helpful.

Maybe.

Eventually.

If she’s wired anything like me.

In the ministry world, it’s hard to get it ‘right.’

Talk to a newcomer? They feel singled out and don’t come back. Don’t talk to a newcomer? They say no one reached out to them and don’t come back.
Respond quickly to an e-mail from a key congregation person? They get upset you didn’t give it an appropriate amount of time for thought. Don’t respond quickly? They get upset that they aren’t a priority.
Cook a meal for a new mom? They complain that it got cold on your 30 minute drive to their home. Don’t cook a meal for a new mom? They complain that you aren’t a servant.

Enough with the examples – maybe it’s that way in your world, too.

Eventually

starts

wear

you.

And eventually, you may start entertaining giving up on trying to be helpful. After all, will you ever win?

In the business world, they say success is clearly defining expectations and then exceeding those expectations. In the ministry world, some people come to church expecting us to be God. Um….. not sure I’m going to win that one!

What to do?

I’ve been reading a great book called Enemies of the Heart. One of the enemies kind of took me by surprise. Andy Stanley’s definition of guilt unlocked something for me. I think maybe – for me – from a different angle than he intended… but an incredibly helpful one!

“Guilt is the result of having done something we perceive as wrong.”

The way he worded his sentence unlocked a helpful realization for me: After enough assumptions over the years about my heart, my motives, my intentions, and my actions… after enough times of feeling unprotected, unsupported, and/or caught off guard by those characterizations… after enough times of giving more than my all, yet it being misinterpreted… Andy’s sentence unlocked for me that I actually walk around feeling guilty.

But weirdly not for anything I’ve actually done wrong. Not for something *I* perceive as wrong. Instead, I feel guilty knowing that someone will come up with a perception about my action as wrong.

How crazy is that?

It’s happened so often that I simply expect that some perception is going to be presumed of me. I’m going to be pressed to own a motive that wasn’t actually there. My action almost certainly will be misinterpreted. And I wonder how I should do things differently so it’s not.

Uggghh. What a prison.

Don’t get me wrong – a passing thought or occasional evaluation can be helpful! And certainly it is my responsibility to set my boundaries in misassumption situations… and I think by God’s grace I’m getting better at that! That’s totally an aspect worth talking about more in a later post.

But for today, a reminder is helpful. Misperceptions aren’t just, “Well, that’s my thought. It’s my opinion. It’s just my take on a situation.” Misperceptions are characterizations of your fellow teammate in the Lord. Misassumptions affect the support of the relationship. They affect the trust of the relationship. They affect the psyche of your friend. They can affect their self-perception and can lead them to question their heart and motive. They are distracting… draining… and at times, even debilitating.

Yes, we each need to take responsibility to be healthy. No, we can’t blame our unhealthiness or negative thoughts on another person. But why create the distraction? Why turn someone’s attention from building God’s kingdom to devoting their energy, thought and prayer life to battling your inaccurate perceptions? Enough times of misperceptions and misassumptions – oh, they’re sneaky! They can sneak their way into debilitating a person’s effectiveness for the Lord. They may wear them out, ultimately affecting their desire to serve for the kingdom and thus their actual impact for God’s kingdom. Yikes.

By the way, ‘enough’ times can vary hugely. ‘Enough’ times for one precious person I know was once. It quashed her and threatened to derail her unfolding ministry.

Ughhh. That’s certainly not something we want to be a part of!

So what do to? Lovingly suggest different actions? That may be appropriate. Yet we must remember that beautiful motives may lead to an unpreferred action. We must be careful in the process: Mischaracterizing a person’s intent can have a detrimental impact for the kingdom – and that’s a gift we don’t want to give!

What if you’ve been given this unwanted gift? Or perhaps more fairly, I should say, what if you – like me – have taken an unwanted gift? What if you – like me – have unwittingly allowed it to affect you?

That answer is long, but this is what the Lord is doing in me lately. He’s had me in 1 John, where He’s quashing this new understanding of perception of guilt:

This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. ~ 1 John 1:5

Do you love that? God is light. In God, there is NO darkness AT ALL!

None.

I can live freely fully in light! Feel the freedom to be who I am. Be free to be who I am. Be free to be me.

That’s what I wrote about in my journal a few days ago. And this is what I wrote today:

Lord, I pray you’d help me stay volleyball-settin’ light. I pray you’d lift the guilt I feel as I wonder if I’ve done something wrong. I pray I’d have the freedom, Lord, to be!

I am so impacted by perceptions that I walk around feeling guilty. May I quit perceiving that I’ve done something wrong, Lord. And may I be free! I welcome your conviction of sin – and I guard against others’ misassumptions. For your glory and your kingdom, O Lord.

Today’s picture – along with a fun tutorial on how to make it: www.webdesignerwall.com

my husband’s LIVE debut!

Posted on July 5, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

I hope you all enjoyed a great 4th of July! I love celebrating freedom. And I especially love the freedom that the {double hockey sticks} mindset offers!

As my husband and I were discussing our last blog post, he had some great thoughts. I asked if I could record them so we’d remember them to write-up for the blog. Then I thought - maybe you’d rather hear it straight from him? {cheering : )} So here he is… with a *live* debut! (ok, well, sort of – he’s on video – but you get to watch him animated, which is fun!)

You well know he has a silly side! When I got out my top-end-state-of-the-art iPhone camera, he turned on his serious voice : ). I just thought I’d found a cute picture for our last blog post; he saw something a bit more. Here he is – serious voice and all! - with what I thought was a great observation and insight about intimidation:

I thought it was a really good point. Who are we to get mad at someone simply for existing exactly how God made them!

Then as we were discussing it a bit more, he had another great point about one of our favorite Bible people – David. What if David had allowed ‘intimidation’ to be an excuse? We wouldn’t have one of the most beloved Bible stories of all time!

I am so glad David didn’t listen to potentially intimidated input:

“You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.” (1 Samuel 17:33)

Instead, David had a godly perspective on fear and what is worthy of our fear:

“Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?” ~ 1 Samuel 17:26

“Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.” ~ 1 Samuel 17:32

“Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” ~ 1 Samuel 17:36-37

“David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.’” ~ 1 Samuel 17:45

In the strength and peace of the Lord, he believed and knew and lived that nothing is intimidating *with* the God of the universe! David’s only fear was some healthy fear of God - a reliant, strengthening, motivating fear of the Lord! He is Almighty! He alone is worthy of our fear.

Special thanks to my husband, the President of {double hockey sticks}! Great insights – thanks for allowing us to capture them *live*!

the big Christian elephant

Posted on March 1, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

So we’re in the midst of exploring Philippians 4:8’s call to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. If we think we want to confront someone on something, our first step is to align ourselves with the Lord’s desires for our thoughts. We’ve got to first be sure that our hearts and our thoughts are of the Lord – that they are for sure His desire for our relationship with the person we think we need to confront. Thinking on Philippian’s 4:8 things is a great way to recalibrate our minds.

We’ve been camping out on ‘lovely’ most recently, challenging ourselves to have thoughts that inspire love and call forth love in others. Doing so means not setting our minds on criticism. A few principles that can help keep us from that ‘critical’ tipping point:

A weakness is often simply a strength taken to an extreme.
Beware of the things you love most about someone – those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!
Whenever we think something negative about someone, immediately think of two positive things about them.

The Lord has been gracious to use these principles powerfully in my life. I pray He does in yours as well!

Now as we’re talking about keeping from becoming critical, it almost feels like there is an elephant in the room. You know, the big Christian elephant. The one that everyone wonders: Why are Christians so judgmental?

Since having lovely thoughts includes not setting our minds on criticism, since judgmental thoughts are, well, critical, and since Christians are so well known for being judgmental, I think it’s important we dig into this… and dig into it well.

I have huge concerns that, while some judgment is godly, other judgment is flat out sin. And worse, it’s sin that we justify.

I have great concern that we’ve baptized some sinful judgment that is actually hugely destructive to the kingdom and to our witness to others. So I want us to explore carefully this topic of judging.

Righteous judgment? AMEN!

But all other judgment – which includes quite a lot – what do we do with that? The best thing for the kingdom is to get it outta here! The best thing for the kingdom is to send it to the place with the {double hockey sticks}.

I’m excited to journey with you as we attempt to rightly divide this ‘judging’ thing. I think it will be of immense value to the kingdom… and to our witness to others.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. ~ John 13:35

the most lovely marriage tip

Posted on February 23, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

One of the best pieces of advice we got before we got married has been so helpful to keep our thoughts lovely – and far from intent on criticism. It went something like this:

Beware of the things you love most about your spouse –
those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

The guy who gave us the tip told us this story…

One of the things he loves most about his wife is how expressive she is. She can articulate herself well, enjoys telling stories, is always full of ideas, and is never at a loss for conversation. He just adores this about her. She is so fun to listen to!

…until they took a cross country road trip : )

Her stories were great on the east coast. They had some laughs through the Appalachians and towards Elvis territory. As they hit the Mississippi, she was still talking!! He began to wonder how big that area was that Lewis and Clark explored – hopefully small! Passing through the corn fields of the Midwest, he began to think (hope!) that surely she was running out of words. But no luck! He was starting to go a little crazy. How could one person have so many words? He tossed her his cell phone and pleaded, “Call someone. Anyone! Please” : )

It was the very thing he adored about her that was driving him insane about her! But he was able to keep from being intent on criticism by remembering that her expressiveness is (in general : )) one of her most lovely attributes. He’s just got to watch it that he doesn’t allow Satan to use it against them.

Being aware of this was so helpful for me when my husband and I got married. One of the things I just adore about my husband is his intentionality. He is a committed friend, a faithful husband, and a consistent man of prayer. He is reliable as can be, steady and rock solid (physically, too : )- ). He is faithful because he is intentional – he considers carefully to what and to whom he will commit. Then when he says he’ll do something, you can count on it.

I am a woman of action. I tend to have lots of ideas, and I like to make them all happen – now : ). So his intentionality I love. But intentionality sounds like this:

Me: I have an idea.
Husband: Really? That’s unusual. (wryly)
Me: [whatever the idea is]
Husband: That’s worth thinking about.

So there I am – kind of stuck at the starting gate, raring to go. And he’s, well, thinking about it. Me, in action mode…and him, sitting. Me, almost off and running…and him, deciding. Tension just waiting to be tested.

But the Lord is faithful to bring to mind wise words from our friend:

Beware of the things you love most about your spouse –
those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

I love his intentionality, so I’ve got to love all of it! His faithfulness comes as a result of consideration and taking time to make decisions. So if I love his faithfulness, I’ve got to love the whole faithfulness package – including the deciding, praying, and considering!

And if I’d admit it, it’s good for me, too. My husband is kind of like a governor for me. He kind of helps regulate me and keeps me from running myself into the ground, which I desperately need! Ultimately, it’s helpful. But at the time… well… I’m glad to have this reminder to help me see it that way!

The -++ Principle

Posted on February 21, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

Back in high school, in the days of Sweet 16s and braces…

and silliness and sleepovers…

…the Lord was gracious to help me keep a balanced perspective on others. He helped train me from becoming overly critical of others by thinking things that were lovely.

How?

Well, this was my challenge: Whenever I’d think something negative about someone, I immediately would try to think of two positive things about them.

So let’s say we’re sitting in class, and a guy starts to bounce his leg up and down with that nervous, jittery bounce. And we’re trying to do our work, but all we can see out of the corner of our eye is this leg going up and down, up and down, up and down….bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. And we try to focus on our paper, but all we can see is bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce!

And we start to zero in on it. And that’s all we can see. And if we’re not careful, this guy starts to become just a leg – a bouncing leg, that is. And it’s like we have horse blinders on – we can’t see anything else or think about anything else than a bouncing leg up and down and up and down and up and down.

And before we know it, our annoyance has become really strong. We almost start to forget that he’s a person – that he’s our friend – that He’s God’s precious creation – because all we can see is a bouncing leg that we really, really, really, REALLY want to stop. And if we’re not really careful, our communication to him will let everyone know that all we see is that he is one annoying bouncing leg!

So what do we do? Well, to keep our minds from being set on criticism, we frame it. So we had a negative thought:

“His bouncing leg is driving me crazy!”

Then we immediately try to think of two positive thoughts:

1. “He did give me a piece of gum yesterday. That was nice.” (It’s high school – there’s only so much to work with : ))

2. “Oh – and remember that time he helped me with a math problem?”

Interesting, huh? Did your disposition or demeanor just change?

Now this of course doesn’t negate the negative. It doesn’t stop the leg from bouncing. But it does help keep things in perspective. It helps us remember that he’s not just a bouncing leg. It helps us keep a balanced perspective of others so we can approach them as they are – precious creations of the all-loving Creator of the universe. It helps us approach them with gentleness ~ and humane-ness!

So when a negative thought pops into our mind, we immediately try to think of two positive things about that person. We may draw a blank at first. We may be tempted to kick the concept to the side and hold on to our negative thought. But it’s worth it. And we can do it – two positive thoughts.

It’s not a cure-all, but it does help. Plus, it’s kind of fun : )

Inspiring Love

Posted on February 16, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

So we’ve gotten a look at ‘lovely’ ~ at the Philippians 4:8 thoughts to dwell upon. Sometimes to more fully understand, it’s helpful to look at the opposite – what it doesn’t mean.

One of the descriptions we looked at said that thoughts that are lovely “promote peace.” It goes on to talk about its opposite: “rather than conflict.” Hmmmm… very interesting for our goal here in delighting in conflict done well!

Another description said that lovely thoughts “serve to cultivate and increase love, friendship, and amity among men; and which things also are grateful to God and lovely in his sight.” It goes on to say “in opposition to all contention, strife, wrath, and hatred.”

The description of lovely as ‘that which calls forth love’ sandwiches its opposite:

Winsome is the best translation of all. The Greek is prosphile, and it might be paraphrased as that which calls forth love. There are those whose minds are so set on vengeance and punishment that they call forth bitterness and fear in others. There are those whose minds are so set on criticism and rebuke that they call forth resentment in others. The mind of the Christian is set on the lovely things—kindness, sympathy, forbearance—so he is a winsome person, whom to see is to love.

So setting our minds on thoughts that are lovely is the opposite of setting our minds on criticism. If our minds are in the mode of being critical towards another, then our minds are not dwelling on the lovely.

Now does this mean that we can’t ever think a critical thought? Of course not. And I’ll give you a trick about that next time. Here, the distinction is about those whose minds are set on criticism. You know, when you’re in that rut of critical thought – when you see a person, and all that comes to mind are the things about them that annoy you. When your disposition and countenance change. When that critical nature negatively impacts others.

So lovely thoughts are those not set on criticism. They are not set on rebuke. They are not set on punishment or vengeance. They do not call forth bitterness or resentment in others. They do not promote conflict. They do not cultivate contention or strife. They do not increase hatred.

Instead, lovely thoughts are those which are grateful to God. They are lovely in His sight. They call forth love in others. They inspire love.

What lovely thoughts is your mind dwelling on?

Happy Lovely Day!

Posted on February 14, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

How fun is God?

So we’re in the midst of exploring Philippians 4:8:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

We’ve tackled true – thinking things that are actually, factually true. We’ve pondered noble – thinking thoughts that are honorable. We’ve explored right – thinking things that are righteous. We just finished pure – keeping our thoughts free of dregs. And now, here we are getting ready to start lovely… and what day is today? Valentine’s Day! How cute is God to work out this timing!

Now why are we exploring these words? Because before we can even talk about how to do conflict well and how to confront someone well, we’ve got to be sure that the thing we want to confront them about – the thing we’re mad about – is even worthy of confronting! Is it really their actions and attitudes that need adjusting… or is it our thoughts?

Yes, it may be some mixture of both, but we start with what God for sure gave us stewardship of – ourselves. We take intentionally His call in His Word to think things ~ including things about others ~ that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely. We start by being sure we’re in the right place before we begin to even contemplate approaching another!

So today, we begin exploring ‘lovely.’ Now intriguingly, this is the only place that you find the word ‘lovely’ in Scripture. So our study of the word used in context in Scripture is, well, done. Check : )

Now for the word in Greek. It’s presumed stem, ‘love,’ is φιλέω - transliterated, that’s phileo. This is the word from which Philadelphia gets its name, the City of Brotherly Love.

It’s prefix in Greek is πρός, which is translated ‘to,’ ‘towards,’ or ‘to the advantage of.’

Putting these together, we get ‘towards brotherly love.’ It is also described as

Adapted to excite love, and to endear him who does such things
Such deeds as spring from love and inspired love in others
That which calls forth love
What promotes peace
That which serves to cultivate and increase love, friendship, and amity among men
Which things also are grateful to God and lovely in his sight

So it means having thoughts that inspire love and call forth love in others.

We’ll explore more soon… but for today, how fun is it that we get to dwell on thinking ‘lovely’ thoughts on Valentine’s Day? We can strive today (and every day!) to think things that inspire love and call forth love in others!

For our grammophiles: Granted, not all words mean what their morphemes mean. A ‘strawberry,’ for example, doesn’t mean the combination of its components ‘berry’ with ‘straw,’ as in ‘drinking straw’ or ‘stalk of hay.’ While concluding definitions from morphemes can lead one astray, our conclusions here seem consistent with Scripture, consistent with God, consistent with solid scholars, and not too much of a leap.

Gloryingly Pure

Posted on February 9, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

I just love 1 John 3:2-3:

We know that when [Jesus] appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

I love that it gives us insight on how to do this ‘pure’ thing.

Let’s say that as we’ve been reading these blog posts (and our cute little characters – did you like them? : )), that we’ve started to think, “I really get the value of this ‘pure’ thing. I really want to think things that are ‘pure’ in all areas of my life… including my friendships.”

But sometimes our thoughts may be running all over the place, headed for the dregs, on things about our acquaintances that are not Philippians 4:8 ‘pure.’ When that happens, what do we do? How can we refocus ourselves?

Sometimes the best first step is to first take a step back. To refocus on the big picture. To set our thoughts back in the right direction. To rest our heart in Christ.

And this is exactly what 1 John 3:2-3 teaches us:

…everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself…

Everyone who fixes their hope on Christ and His coming purifies himself. As we take a step back, we reflect on who Christ is, and we remember that He is coming back one day as a victorious King! We reflect on His victory, His glory, and His people fighting together in unity against the true enemy.

It is such a crazy blessing and so fun to think what that will be like! And as we do this, we are propelled on a path – we are motivated with the end in mind – to recalibrate our compass, align our hearts, rid of those things that get us off target, and charge forth with purity of purpose in victory.

I love it!

Now let me back up quickly to verse 2:

We know that when [Jesus] appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is.

Did you catch the ‘because’ in the verse?

…we will be just like Him, *because* we will see Him just as He is.

When Christ appears, the reason we will be just like Him is because we will see Him just as He is.

Not just as we long for him to be, or just as we’ve heard He is, or just as we think He should be. But just as He actually is. And because we see Him just as He is, we will be like Him!

As Barnes observes,

“It is clearly implied here that there will be an influence in beholding the Saviour as he is, which will tend to make us like him, or to transform us into his likeness.”

How amazing is that?

So part of the value of fixing our hope on Him is that it can motivate us – and give us clarity — towards purity. But part of the value of focusing on Christ and seeing Him just as He is also seems to be that it can tend to make us like Him.

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

How crazy amazing is that?!

So how do we do this ‘pure’ thing? Well, a great first step is to ask,

“Is my hope fixed on Christ? Is my hope fixed on His appearing and seeing Him just as He is?”

This is one of my favorite songs to help me do so : )

What glory it is as we fix our hope on Him and His appearing! And what glory is the transformation that follows.

My heart

Posted on January 31, 2012 by doublehockeysticks

As we were boarding our flight to come back from the beach, we met some of the dearest people. A group of caretakers from an adult group home took the group homies (is there a proper term? idk, but this one is kind of fun!) on a cruise. How precious is that!

Now the group homies were of various ability levels. Many were in wheelchairs, many were nonverbal… and all were just precious. The caretakers looked exhausted – just one more leg to get home!

God was gracious to plant one of the gentlemen next to me. He wasn’t communicative, but oh how he communicated so powerfully to me a message I needed to be reminded of that day at that particular time. His rocking and swaying kept me vigilant of his presence – and I needed that constant reminder. I needed the reminder of God’s gracious love for His precious creations. I needed the reminder that He is perfect and His plan is perfect – He doesn’t make any mistakes! And I needed the reminder that I am blessed abundantly – He has given me gifts and abilities even in daily life, and I oft forget to remember their privilege.

Oh, how I needed those reminders that day at that particular time!

You see, we were standing in line for quite a while as the plane was loading. With many passengers of various ability levels, it took a bit to load. We were all lined up in that tunnel thing to get onto the plane (like my terminology? : )) just a-chilling. The family in front of me I unfortunately didn’t speak their language, and the woman behind me was in high complaining mode. That’s totally not my cup of tea, so I prayed, “Lord, what shall we do while we’re a-chilling?”

He brought to mind something that I’ve been told by some wise people a few times along my journey. I’d kind of pushed it aside when they mentioned it because… well.. in all honesty, it seemed a bit much to me. And… truthfully…I didn’t want it to be true. But multiple people have said it – and they are people for whom I have great respect. So I busted out my iPhone. I’d been intending to research it for a while ~ apparently now is the time!

And oh. my. goodness. My heart just broke.

I’ve waited quite a while to type this story for fear my tears would fry my motherboard.

{oops}

As I’m typing, I’m not sure I’ve waited long enough.

When I googled, this is what I found:

a negative defining statement told to you or about you.

Another website stated it similarly:

a lie told to you or about you.

Also,

defining people by telling them what they are, what they think, their motives, and so forth.

And my heart. just. sank. I’m not sure I knew it could sink so heavily.

This is exactly what we’ve been talking about on {double hockey sticks}. Exactly.

To stop, drop, and roll to be sure we’re not convinced that we think we know what people think, what their motives are, and what they are.
To forgo perceptions to avoid inaccurately defining people.
To think things that are true – actually, factually true to be sure we’re not creating negative defining statements.

I. was. stunned.

Stunned.

Why?

Because of the term I looked up. I had thought for sure that applying this term to my journey was overstated. For sure it didn’t apply in the mature Christian kingdom.

Oh how I wish that were true.

The term?

‘Verbal abuse.’

Yikes.

Can I tell you the part that makes me the saddest? It just grieves me to my core.

So often in the Christian kingdom, we do this:

We tell people what we think their (sinful) motives were in a situation. We tell them what we think they think. We tell them what we think they are.
Then if they don’t ‘own’ the things we think about them, then we tell them they aren’t teachable, they aren’t willing to own their faults, they aren’t submissive.

We start by defining a person, telling them what they are, what they think, their motives. That is the definition of verbal abuse. Then when they don’t own our verbal abuse, we further define them by telling them what they and their motives are. We start with verbal abuse, then we pile more verbal abuse onto it. Uck!

And the part that just grieves me to my core?

We say we are “speaking the truth in love.”

We baptize it. We baptize verbal abuse.

Oh – I just grieve thinking about how that must grieve the heart of God. Oh goodness. How it must grieve Him that we talk to His precious children that way. How it must grieve Him that we view His precious creations that way. How it must grieve Him that we sin by thinking things about His precious creations that aren’t true, noble and right. How it must grieve Him that we blame *them* when they don’t own *our* sin (of not thinking things that were true, noble, and right). How it must grieve Him that we then pile on more verbal abuse. And oh how it must grieve Him that we sin and verbally abuse one another under the guise of God’s Word!

Oh how it must grieve the heart of God!

No wonder it causes so much destruction in God’s kingdom. And no wonder it hurts so.

So here I was, standing in the tunnel thing to board the plane, dumbstruck and grieved. I’ve been trying on {double hockey sticks} to cast vision for people to live a calling of thinking things that are true, noble, and right about others. But really, all we’re trying to do is not verbally abuse one another. That’s all.

Amen? Can we make a pact on that?

No verbal abuse.

And *especially* no verbal abuse baptized as ‘speaking the truth in love.’

Uck.

So I boarded the plane grieving. Grieving what we do to each other. Grieving what we’ve done to the Lord. Grieving how we’ve misapplied His Word. Hurting anew at some parts of my own journey. Grieving. And angry.

And the Lord in His good pleasure placed the most perfect person next to me. As he rocked back and forth uncommunicative, oh how he communicated God’s love to me! God’s plans are perfect. He has unique journeys and challenges for each of His creations. And they are all perfect in His plan. His creations are perfect. His blessings are abundant. Oh how He reminded me of things I needed to remember that day at that moment.

We are blessed – abundantly. We are loved – fully. He has us each on a journey – purposefully. He is a God of Victory, and He will bring us through – victoriously.

So as we consider thinking things that are pure – things that are holy – let’s make a pact to be set apart. Set apart for the Lord… and far, far away from verbally abusing one other. Set apart for pure, holy, joy-filled relationships in God’s kingdom. Set apart for His blessed glory! Amen?

a little ol’ note
If you’ve been following this blog, you know this well: My husband is my biggest fan, and the most caring, godly, wise person I know. Just to be abundantly clear – the grief and hurt I mentioned about my journey has *not* been caused by him. The Lord has been very gracious in our marriage. For that, I am blessed.

{ double hockey sticks }

delighting in conflict done well

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