Tag Archives: lovely

our lovely harvest

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I tease that you can take the girl out of the Midwest, but you can’t take the Midwest out of the girl. : )

My Midwest fix for the summer has been planting our garden.  Since our backyard is on a slope, it kind of turned into a fortress!  My husband did an amazing job building it, and it has been a lot of fun to grow our produce!

These are some of my favorites…

The mighty zucchini!  It’s like a balloon animal.  Seriously.  It’s fun to see how it grows.  First a hollow stalk comes out, like one of those long skinny balloons that clowns use.  Then the zucchini kind of comes from the base and fills in part of the stalk – just like someone blowing up one of those balloon animals.  And the little flower on the end is like the knot on the end of the balloon. They’re really fun.

I also love the green beans… and all the ones that vine!  Cantaloupe, peas – their little tentacles are so cute!  They have a great time wrapping themselves around on the trellis and other plant stalks.

We’re also trying to grow strawberries - the plants produce stems called runners.  I learned perhaps a little late that we’re actually supposed to clip the runners.  Though they may seem like they’re making the plant more prolific with more stems, they actually end up taking nutrients away from the main plant and decrease strawberry production.  So we got out our scissors and started clipping our runners.  There were quite a few of them – some of them had even developed their own roots!

And as I was clipping the strawberry runners, I started thinking,

“Uh oh.  I’ve got a runner.  In my blog – I have a runner.”

This whole judging section of the blog – there are so many stories to tell and so many verses of Scripture to talk about!  Judging is everywhere.  But it’s turning into a runner.  If I don’t prune it back a little, I’m going to end up with this judging section taking up roots!  So we’ll prune it for now and try to come back to it sometime so we can keep feeding the plant!

What, again, was the plant?

I’m so glad you asked!

We started this blog not quite a year ago, and I am still unpacking ‘worthy of confronting’!  How crazy is that?  I knew the Lord had been showing me some things about whether things were worthy of confronting, but I had no idea it was this much!!  It is crazy important.

In conflict, it’s not just how we confront and respond.  It’s if we should even be confronting about it in the first place.

Or to go back even further than that – should we even be *thinking* it in the first place!

So that’s our main vine for now:  Should I even be thinking this stuff?  Much less getting mad at someone else over it and confronting them on it!  We’ve explored Philippians 4:8’s true, noble, right, pure… and we’re wrapping up lovely.  I added some categories on our menu under ‘worthy of confronting’ to help differentiate all this – I hope you like them!

So what were the main things that stemmed from our discussion of ‘lovely’?  (Did you catch that lovely little plant reference? : ))

{warning!}  a bit of hyperlink craze is ahead… we’ve been on this topic for a while!

‘Lovely’ seems to mean

Why shouldn’t we judge?

Not judging others is truly a blessing – to them and to us!

So what do we do?

What are some principles that help us not judge… but think lovely thoughts?

  • the -++ principle
  • A weakness is often simply a strength taken to an extreme.
  • Beware of the things you love most about someone – those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

Lovely goodness!!  Quite the harvest, eh?

Lots to ponder as we seek to set our minds on things that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely.  Up next – admirable!

the big Christian elephant

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So we’re in the midst of exploring Philippians 4:8’s call to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.  If we think we want to confront someone on something, our first step is to align ourselves with the Lord’s desires for our thoughts.  We’ve got to first be sure that our hearts and our thoughts are of the Lord – that they are for sure His desire for our relationship with the person we think we need to confront. Thinking on Philippian’s 4:8 things is a great way to recalibrate our minds.


We’ve been camping out on ‘lovely’ most recently, challenging ourselves to have thoughts that inspire love and call forth love in others.  Doing so means not setting our minds on criticism.  A few principles that can help keep us from that ‘critical’ tipping point:

  • A weakness is often simply a strength taken to an extreme.
  • Beware of the things you love most about someone – those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!
  • Whenever we think something negative about someone, immediately think of two positive things about them.

The Lord has been gracious to use these principles powerfully in my life.  I pray He does in yours as well!

Now as we’re talking about keeping from becoming critical, it almost feels like there is an elephant in the room.  You know, the big Christian elephant.  The one that everyone wonders:  Why are Christians so judgmental?

Since having lovely thoughts includes not setting our minds on criticism, since judgmental thoughts are, well, critical, and since Christians are so well known for being judgmental, I think it’s important we dig into this… and dig into it well.

I have huge concerns that, while some judgment is godly, other judgment is flat out sin.  And worse, it’s sin that we justify.

I have great concern that we’ve baptized some sinful judgment that is actually hugely destructive to the kingdom and to our witness to others.  So I want us to explore carefully this topic of judging.

Righteous judgment?  AMEN!

But all other judgment – which includes quite a lot – what do we do with that?  The best thing for the kingdom is to get it outta here!  The best thing for the kingdom is to send it to the place with the {double hockey sticks}.

I’m excited to journey with you as we attempt to rightly divide this ‘judging’ thing.  I think it will be of immense value to the kingdom… and to our witness to others.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  ~ John 13:35

from Team Liability to Team Leader

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I used to work in downtown DC.  I managed a great team with such a fun mix of people, personalities, and convictions.  I loved that team!

office team young happy smiling leaning on table

One person on the team was especially one of conviction!  He was a great guy.  Tom saw through anything and everything, and he definitely had an opinion on it.  I could pitch our next steps to the team, and if Tom didn’t like it, he could swing the mood and direction of the room in 10 seconds flat.  All of a sudden, the team was demotivated and disenfranchised.  Then I had the honor of trying to re-motivate, re-corral, and re-direct 15 people towards our goal.  It was exhausting.

Needless to say, I needed to figure out what to do about Tom.  He was older than I was.  He had been at the company longer than I had been.  And he wasn’t ‘management,’ so employees viewed him as more ‘credible’ – you know how it is. 

I was pondering and praying one day about what to do about Tom. He certainly added a unique dynamic to the team.  But how in the world do I corral this dynamic to help him be a valuable member of the team?  One who helps rally us towards our goal instead of a derailing us from it?

The Lord was gracious to bring a thought to mind.

A weakness is often a strength taken to an extreme.

You see, we were in sales.  The fact that Tom had the ability to sway an entire room in a matter of seconds is an asset in sales ~ a huge asset!  His ability to influence others so dramatically - if channeled properly - could truly make him a powerhouse.  There was an incredible talent underlying all of this. I just needed to figure out how to direct that talent differently.  If I could help him change his application of his talent – wow!  It could really impact our team dynamic in a great way, and it could help set his career on a valuable path.

So how do I go about this?  I started by pulling Tom aside for a friendly talk.  And I’m not saying that facetiously ~ it really was friendly!  I wanted to better understand if he was aware of his strength and was intentionally derailing the group.

So we chatted.  In the course of conversation, I pointed out this strength that he had in his ability to sway a room.  It really was an impressive strength.  I mentioned several instances – in a kind light – where it had occurred.

He was intrigued.  He had no idea of this ability of his and his impact on the team.  It was kind of a revelation for him.  He wasn’t derailing things intentionally.

That was good news.  Motives are important.  They definitely influence whether my next steps are instructions or consequences.  So I proceeded trying to frame this whole concept:

A weakness is often a strength taken to an extreme.

I told him how valuable his gift can be – in the right context.  And I explained the impact that his comments can have at times to sway the mood of a room in a demotivating way.  I shared with him the influence that he has simply because of who he is – the oldest, most tenured person on our team, and, well, not management.  I concurred with him that, in all honesty, sometimes his comments are exactly right.   Sometimes I don’t really understand or totally agree with why our team has been told to do something.  And in those moments, we can do this thing with which we don’t fully agree joyfully or begrudgingly.  Since we already have to do something we don’t want to do, well, let’s try to at least make it enjoyable!  And sometimes his comments helped me see some wisdom I hadn’t seen.

My next step was potentially risky and perhaps not how all managers would do it.  But I thought it would work for Tom.  So I asked him to team with me:

“You have a great mind in how you think through things.  And you have a great talent in your ability to sway the room.  I need you to team with me to help rally this team forward.”

I laid out the plan:

“So this is what I’m going to do.  Before we go into a team meeting, I’m going to try to swing by and talk with you.  If you have questions, concerns, or frustrations, I want to know them.  You bring up good points, so I want your insight if I’ve missed something.  And if it’s a situation where, well, we just need to do what we need to do, I need you to respect that.  Then when we walk into our team meetings, I need you to use your strength of influencing others to help rally our team forward.”

And I tried to preempt anything that could derail the plan:

“I’m going to do my best to anticipate your concerns.  But there may be a time when I failed to anticipate something.  Or there may be a time when I get our marching orders and have to go straight into a team meeting, and I don’t have the time to talk with you.  I need you in those moments to still team with me.  I need you to trust me, to do your best to rally the team forward, and to talk with me afterwards about your concerns.”

He just sat there.

And I waited.

It seemed like a really long time.  What was he thinking?

Then he said,

“Is this what you do?”

“Uh-oh,” I thought.  “This isn’t going as planned.”

“You just bring people in here and butter them up?”

PHEW!!!  Oh I just wanted to laugh!  I certainly didn’t anticipate that response to my correcting him for derailing and demotivating our team.

“Ok. I think this has been good,” I thought.

So that’s how Tom and I worked.

How did it all work out?  Well, in all honesty, it didn’t take many side conversations.  I stopped by a few times, but we ended up in lock-step pretty quickly.  He was a great asset to the team and began to really be a team leader.

The Lord was gracious in all of this to help me keep my thoughts about him lovely.  He kept me from becoming overly critical by remembering that

A weakness is often simply a strength taken to an extreme.

The Lord helped me respect Tom and how He’d wired him.  And ultimately, with a gentle redirect, he was such a blessing and a gift to me and to the team.

the most *lovely* marriage tip

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One of the best pieces of advice we got before we got married has been so helpful to keep our thoughts lovely – and far from intent on criticism.  It went something like this:

Beware of the things you love most about your spouse –
those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

The guy who gave us the tip told us this story…

couple in convertible sports carOne of the things he loves most about his wife is how expressive she is.  She can articulate herself well, enjoys telling stories, is always full of ideas, and is never at a loss for conversation.  He just adores this about her.  She is so fun to listen to!

…until they took a cross country road trip : )

Her stories were great on the east coast.  They had some laughs through the Appalachians and towards Elvis territory.  As they hit the Mississippi, she was still talking!!  He began to wonder how big that area was that Lewis and Clark explored – hopefully small!  Passing through the corn fields of the Midwest, he began to think (hope!) that surely she was running out of words.  But no luck!  He was starting to go a little crazy.  How could one person have so many words?  He tossed her his cell phone and pleaded, “Call someone.  Anyone!  Please” : )

It was the very thing he adored about her that was driving him insane about her!  But he was able to keep from being intent on criticism by remembering that her expressiveness is (in general : )) one of her most lovely attributes.  He’s just got to watch it that he doesn’t allow Satan to use it against them.

Being aware of this was so helpful for me when my husband and I got married.  One of the things I just adore about my husband is his intentionality.  He is a committed friend, a faithful husband, and a consistent man of prayer.  He is reliable as can be, steady and rock solid (physically, too : )- ).  He is faithful because he is intentional – he considers carefully to what and to whom he will commit.  Then when he says he’ll do something, you can count on it.

I am a woman of action. I tend to have lots of ideas, and I like to make them all happen – now : ).  So his intentionality I love.  But intentionality sounds like this:

Me:  I have an idea.
Husband: Really?  That’s unusual.  (wryly)
Me: [whatever the idea is]
Husband:  That’s worth thinking about.

So there I am – kind of stuck at the starting gate, raring to go.  And he’s, well, thinking about it.  Me, in action mode…and him, sitting.  Me, almost off and running…and him, deciding.  Tension just waiting to be tested.

But the Lord is faithful to bring to mind wise words from our friend:

Beware of the things you love most about your spouse –
those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

I love his intentionality, so I’ve got to love all of it!  His faithfulness comes as a result of consideration and taking time to make decisions.  So if I love his faithfulness, I’ve got to love the whole faithfulness package – including the deciding, praying, and considering!

And if I’d admit it, it’s good for me, too.  My husband is kind of like a governor for me.  He kind of helps regulate me and keeps me from running myself into the ground, which I desperately need!  Ultimately, it’s helpful.  But at the time… well… I’m glad to have this reminder to help me see it that way!

The -++ Principle

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Back in high school, in the days of Sweet 16s and braces…

sweet 16 with tweety cakeand silliness and sleepovers…

…the Lord was gracious to help me keep a balanced perspective on others.  He helped train me from becoming overly critical of others by thinking things that were lovely.

How?

Well, this was my challenge: Whenever I’d think something negative about someone, I immediately would try to think of two positive things about them.

So let’s say we’re sitting in class, and a guy starts to bounce his leg up and down with that nervous, jittery bounce.  And we’re trying to do our work, but all we can see out of the corner of our eye is this leg going up and down, up and down, up and down….bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. And we try to focus on our paper, but all we can see is bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce!

And we start to zero in on it.  And that’s all we can see.  And if we’re not careful, this guy starts to become just a leg – a bouncing leg, that is.  And it’s like we have horse blinders on – we can’t see anything else or think about anything else than a bouncing leg up and down and up and down and up and down.

And before we know it, our annoyance has become really strong.  We almost start to forget that he’s a person – that he’s our friend – that He’s God’s precious creation – because all we can see is a bouncing leg that we really, really, really, REALLY want to stop.  And if we’re not really careful, our communication to him will let everyone know that all we see is that he is one annoying bouncing leg!

So what do we do?  Well, to keep our minds from being set on criticism, we frame it.  So we had a negative thought:

“His bouncing leg is driving me crazy!”

Then we immediately try to think of two positive thoughts:

1. “He did give me a piece of gum yesterday.  That was nice.” (It’s high school – there’s only so much to work with : ))

2. “Oh – and remember that time he helped me with a math problem?”

Interesting, huh?  Did your disposition or demeanor just change?

Now this of course doesn’t negate the negative.  It doesn’t stop the leg from bouncing.  But it does help keep things in perspective.  It helps us remember that he’s not just a bouncing leg.  It helps us keep a balanced perspective of others so we can approach them as they are – precious creations of the all-loving Creator of the universe.  It helps us approach them with gentleness ~ and humane-ness!

So when a negative thought pops into our mind, we immediately try to think of two positive things about that person.  We may draw a blank at first.  We may be tempted to kick the concept to the side and hold on to our negative thought.  But it’s worth it.  And we can do it – two positive thoughts.

It’s not a cure-all, but it does help.  Plus, it’s kind of fun : )

Inspiring Love

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So we’ve gotten a look at ‘lovely’ ~ at the Philippians 4:8 thoughts to dwell upon.  Sometimes to more fully understand, it’s helpful to look at the opposite – what it doesn’t mean.

two people making a heart jumping rejoicing inspiring loveOne of the descriptions we looked at said that thoughts that are lovely “promote peace.”  It goes on to talk about its opposite: “rather than conflict.”  Hmmmm… very interesting for our goal here in delighting in conflict done well!

Another description said that lovely thoughts “serve to cultivate and increase love, friendship, and amity among men; and which things also are grateful to God and lovely in his sight.”  It goes on to say “in opposition to all contention, strife, wrath, and hatred.”

The description of lovely as ‘that which calls forth love’ sandwiches its opposite:

Winsome is the best translation of all. The Greek is prosphile, and it might be paraphrased as that which calls forth love. There are those whose minds are so set on vengeance and punishment that they call forth bitterness and fear in others. There are those whose minds are so set on criticism and rebuke that they call forth resentment in others. The mind of the Christian is set on the lovely things—kindness, sympathy, forbearance—so he is a winsome person, whom to see is to love.

So setting our minds on thoughts that are lovely is the opposite of setting our minds on criticism.  If our minds are in the mode of being critical towards another, then our minds are not dwelling on the lovely.

Now does this mean that we can’t ever think a critical thought?  Of course not.  And I’ll give you a trick about that next time.  Here, the distinction is about those whose minds are set on criticism.  You know, when you’re in that rut of critical thought – when you see a person, and all that comes to mind are the things about them that annoy you.  When your disposition and countenance change.  When that critical nature negatively impacts others.

So lovely thoughts are those not set on criticism.  They are not set on rebuke.  They are not set on punishment or vengeance.  They do not call forth bitterness or resentment in others.  They do not promote conflict.  They do not cultivate contention or strife.  They do not increase hatred.

Instead, lovely thoughts are those which are grateful to God.  They are lovely in His sight.  They call forth love in others.  They inspire love.

What lovely thoughts is your mind dwelling on?

Happy Lovely Day!

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How fun is God?

So we’re in the midst of exploring Philippians 4:8:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

We’ve tackled true – thinking things that are actually, factually true.   We’ve pondered noble – thinking thoughts that are honorable.  We’ve explored right – thinking things that are righteous.  We just finished pure – keeping our thoughts free of dregs.  And now, here we are getting ready to start lovely… and what day is today?  Valentine’s Day!  How cute is God to work out this timing!

Now why are we exploring these words?  Because before we can even talk about how to do conflict well and how to confront someone well, we’ve got to be sure that the thing we want to confront them about – the thing we’re mad about – is even worthy of confronting!  Is it really their actions and attitudes that need adjusting… or is it our thoughts?

Yes, it may be some mixture of both, but we start with what God for sure gave us stewardship of – ourselves.  We take intentionally His call in His Word to think things ~ including things about others ~ that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely.  We start by being sure we’re in the right place before we begin to even contemplate approaching another!

So today, we begin exploring ‘lovely.’  Now intriguingly, this is the only place that you find the word ‘lovely’ in Scripture.  So our study of the word used in context in Scripture is, well, done.  Check : )

Now for the word in Greek.  It’s presumed stem, ‘love,’ is φιλέω  - transliterated, that’s phileo.  This is the word from which Philadelphia gets its name, the City of Brotherly Love.

It’s prefix in Greek is πρός, which is translated ‘to,’ ‘towards,’ or ‘to the advantage of.’

Putting these together, we get ‘towards brotherly love.’  It is also described as

  • Adapted to excite love, and to endear him who does such things
  • Such deeds as spring from love and inspired love in others
  • That which calls forth love
  • What promotes peace
  • That which serves to cultivate and increase love, friendship, and amity among men
  • Which things also are grateful to God and lovely in his sight

So it means having thoughts that inspire love and call forth love in others.

We’ll explore more soon… but for today, how fun is it that we get to dwell on thinking ‘lovely’ thoughts on Valentine’s Day?  We can strive today (and every day!) to think things that inspire love and call forth love in others!

For our grammophiles: Granted, not all words mean what their morphemes mean.  A ‘strawberry,’ for example, doesn’t mean the combination of its components ‘berry’ with ‘straw,’ as in ‘drinking straw’ or ‘stalk of hay.’  While concluding definitions from morphemes can lead one astray, our conclusions here seem consistent with Scripture, consistent with God, consistent with solid scholars, and not too much of a leap.