Tag Archives: judging

How to Respond to Insults

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I so want to reflect Christ.

Yet sometimes, I get it utterly wrong.

Sometimes it is not for lack of trying; it is misapplying. Misunderstanding God’s teaching and thus incorrectly living out His Word.

Sometimes though my heart desires to honor the Lord, my head misleads me in what that looks like.

And this one got me good.

throw rock

I used to think I was following Christ’s example:

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. ~ 1 Peter 2:23

When I used to get insults hurled at me, I used to think this was how I was supposed to respond. As Christ did. He said nothing.

“But you work at a church!” you say. “What do you mean that you’d get insults hurled at you? That must be such a nice place to work.”

{smile}

That’s the most common response I get when I tell people I work at a church, “Oh, how nice.” Or “that must be nice.” It seems to conjure up images of us all sitting around in a circle singing Kumbaya.

But as many of those who work in a church know, it is really the frontlines of spiritual battle. When our side is united and the Enemy is clear, oh what great victory and reason for singing! It is hard work yet so worth it.

But often, it is subtle mis-maneuvers that wreck our peaceful circle. I’ve shared my concern before about misguided feedback in the Body – when we critique things that God does not give us authority to critique. I am also learning that my response to such feedback has been very misguided.

One counselor’s response was especially helpful. I had the privilege of interacting with her in a seminary class I took. The Lord is so gracious to provide one wise phrase at times to totally change my perspective and my world. That day, he used her to do it.

I’d been taught to submit to others – that if people are in spiritual authority over you,

“submit…with all respect… to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God….if you suffer for doing good and endure it, this is commendable before God.” ~ 1 Peter 2:18-20

So I thought that is what I was supposed to do. If someone – especially a small group leader or a man in the church or whomever – was harsh, I thought I was supposed to endure. The text note in my Bible even says that while this passage refers to slaves and their masters, “Peter’s basic teachings on the subject may apply to employer-employee relations today.” The church is my place of employment, so I thought we were just supposed to endure. Christ remained silent when religious people hurled accusations at him. And I thought I was emulating Christ by doing the same.

After years of suffering, this wise woman offered such a simple rejoinder:

“That was unbelievers.”

It stopped me in my tracks.

It was unbelievers.

I’d made the parallel that it was religious people and leaders hurling insults at Jesus. But my parallel missed an important perpendicular; there was a tiny area of overlap, yet a huge convergence. Unbelievers hurled insults at Christ. Not believers. It was unbelievers to whom this response applies.

If you’ve been to seminary, you may know there can be some friendly teasing between majors. The Counseling people sometimes jest that the Biblical Studies people are, well, a bit too heady for the reality of the community of believers. The Biblical Studies people sometimes jest that the Counseling people are, well, a bit too much heart for the reality of the truth of Scripture. Yet that day, the worlds converged. This counseling TA spoke truth and biblical insight in three words that years of Bible teaching misconstrued for me.

“That was unbelievers.”

She was right.

Let’s back up a bit to context. The whole context of this passage is Peter’s challenging believers:

“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God…” ~ 1 Peter 2:9

He challenges us about how to live in this world that should feel foreign to us:

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world…” ~ 1 Peter 2:11

How do we interact among non believers?

“Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” ~ 1 Peter 2:12

Note the context: pagans. When *pagans* accuse us of doing wrong. He’s talking about the heathen world here. When pagans accuse you of doing wrong, let your life show that you are glorifying God. Responding to pagans is the context leading up to Christ’s example:

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. ~ 1 Peter 2:23

So if it is believers hurling insults at you, please do not fall for the misapplication I fell for. Please do not think the ‘Christ-like’ response is to sit there and quietly listen. It cripples the Body.

We are

like living stones…being built into a spiritual house to be a royal priesthood. ~ 1 Peter 2:5

If another ‘stone’ is attacking us, chipping away at our strength, and falsely characterizing our identity, what kind of messed up spiritual house are we building! If another ‘stone’ is hurling things at you, stop it by interrupting. It is not at all healthy for the strong spiritual house the Lord desires to build.

Instead, God’s desire is this:

“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God.” ~ 1 Peter 2:9-10

Please note that believers here are characterized as a holy nation. The word in Greek is ἔθνος. It is the same word used later for ‘pagans’ without the important ‘holy’ adjective in front of it. The context of this passage is living as foreigners – as a holy nation among the non-holy.

The context of this passage is *not* remaining silent when believers are saying untrue things about you. The context of this passage is *not* allowing living stones to think and speak deadening things. The context of this passage is *not* about enabling believers to share their dark thoughts about you who was called into Christ’s wonderful light. The context of this passage is *not* about enduring insults among believers in the kingdom of God.

Lest there be any remaining hesitation, please note specifically what it says about Christ’s response:

he did not retaliate… he made no threats.

Retaliate means he did not give abuse for abuse. In Greek, the root word is the same:

When they λοιδορέω-ed (hurled insults at him),
he did not λοιδορέω back (hurl insults back at them).

He did not respond to abuse by abusing them. He did not threaten them.

This is consistent with the response we advocate at {double hockey sticks}. When being a good steward of the selves God has given us, we protect against hurled insults to the person He has created us to be. Not an unintentional jab… and especially not an intentional one! The goal is to protect from the hurling and harm, not to hurl back.

Yet the truth remains: I was wrong. I was wrong for sitting silently and listening to the hurled insults of believers. While I do believe I entrusted myself to Him who judges justly, it was *not* commendable of me to bear up under the pain of unjust suffering at the hands of believers. It is not right to allow our holy nation to be darkened in that way, and it is not right to allow our living stone to cripple our spiritual house in that way. That is not the Christ-like way.

Silently listening to hurled insults is *not* the way to respond towards believers. I choose to stop the destruction through interruption! moo : )

My passion… and my tension

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We spent the weekend with some delightful friends.  We had fun on the beach, swam in the pool, enjoyed a great dinner at one of our favorite Marco places, Snook Inn, and had fun taking some silly sunset pics of each other : )

They made a huge brunch one day, and as we were enjoying it, we got to talking about my blog.  Or maybe more accurately, my passion behind my blog.  A blog is a blog… but the passion behind it?  Well, I’ve got a bit of that. : )  There is something the Christian kingdom desperately needs!  (says every person passionate about something! : ))

Our friend had an insight that was simultaneously helpful and frustrating.  I have all this crazy passion welled up inside of me.   But my challenge is getting it out.  This blog has been totally helpful for me to start to put words to a paradigm shift.  But sometimes I get frustrated – I wish I were farther down the road than I am.  I wish I had more clarity in putting words to my message.  There is the huge thing I think can totally change our worlds, but I really struggle with how to best convey it.  The boiled down version.  The summary.  Pardon the sometimes negative connotation, but the ‘elevator speech,’ if you will.  Putting my passion into concise, meaningful words.

As we were brainstorming a bit, one of the ideas we came up with was to just kind of ‘see if it catches on.’

I’ve had two totally conflicting responses to that.  At times, the advice is peaceful and wise.  Follow where the Lord leads at His pace and enjoy the journey.  Let it catch on as He sees fit.  Yet at other times, I wonder what would have happened if Martin Luther King, Jr., had decided to keep floating the civil rights message out there, and just see if it catches on”!

There is this crazy tension between knowing it’s got to unfold in the Lord’s timing in a way that is receivable and flows with life events.  You certainly can’t overly orchestrate some of the opportunities, like Rosa Parks’ bus boycott.  They’ve just got to unfold and happen.  So there is a helpful, peaceful, wise, chill element of ‘just see if it catches on.’  But there is also an inciting element.  A passion that it *has* to catch on!

But my passion sounds crazy.  It sounds irrelevant.  It sounds detached.  It sounds like it’s for ‘those’ people.  It took me almost a decade of wrestling with the Lord and a good 3 years to accept it.  But in actuality, it happens so crazy often in the church.  It unexpectedly, often unintentionally, and often unknowingly destroys people.  The Enemy has been crazy successful in his deception.  And we’ve got to triumph.

I’d love to help us see it clearly and quickly.  And I think with one small tweak, we can get this right.  But how to put it into words?

My challenge is this: the best way I can describe my passion so far is to eradicate verbal abuse in the Christian kingdom.  These are the best words I have so far.  But they seem so crazy!  And they sound so irrelevant.  Eradicate verbal abuse?  I definitely need words that connect better!  Ones that wouldn’t have taken me 3 years to accept!  One that wouldn’t have taken me 10 years to see!  This verbal abuse stuff is everywhere – especially during election season! : )  It’s insidious and destructive.  And if we can simply better, more palatably recognize it, draw boundaries against it, and focus on the healthy, wise stuff – wouldn’t that be delightful?  Oh I crave such health in the kingdom!  How it would flourish!

I believe it’s what the Christian kingdom desperately needs.  Coming from the perspective of a church ‘insider,’ we spend way too much time, money, energy, resources, meetings, staff time, volunteer time, emotions, and life!, on unnecessary, fabricated, hurtful conflict.  It depletes our energy.  It consumes our resources.  It wastes our tithes.  It impairs our teammates – emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  It distracts us from our mission.  It helps Satan.  Yuck.  And it makes us – and the gospel – unnecessarily unpalatable to unbelievers.  The stakes are huge.  We have got to do this well.

And we can.  We can change all that.  And it actually isn’t that hard.  Or complicated.  And it actually requires less work – not more.  It’s a tiny shift that allows a huge change.  If we simply do less, we will have healthier church cultures, healthier relational dynamics, healthier ‘loving one another,’ and a healthier, more attractive – because it is more biblical, spot-on, gospel-centered! – Christianity.

Do less and have a healthier church culture?  Yes, please.

Devote our energy towards positive things for the kingdom?  Sign me up!

Not help the devil?  Um, yep.  Pretty obvious there.

The stakes seem so obviously worth it.  With a small but significant tweak, we can make that happen.

This is totally my passion… and my tension.

Praying for ideas, resources, insights, feedback. If you’ve got any to toss my way, I’d love your input!

Thanks for journeying with me : )  You are a blessing!

our lovely harvest

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I tease that you can take the girl out of the Midwest, but you can’t take the Midwest out of the girl. : )

My Midwest fix for the summer has been planting our garden.  Since our backyard is on a slope, it kind of turned into a fortress!  My husband did an amazing job building it, and it has been a lot of fun to grow our produce!

These are some of my favorites…

The mighty zucchini!  It’s like a balloon animal.  Seriously.  It’s fun to see how it grows.  First a hollow stalk comes out, like one of those long skinny balloons that clowns use.  Then the zucchini kind of comes from the base and fills in part of the stalk – just like someone blowing up one of those balloon animals.  And the little flower on the end is like the knot on the end of the balloon. They’re really fun.

I also love the green beans… and all the ones that vine!  Cantaloupe, peas – their little tentacles are so cute!  They have a great time wrapping themselves around on the trellis and other plant stalks.

We’re also trying to grow strawberries - the plants produce stems called runners.  I learned perhaps a little late that we’re actually supposed to clip the runners.  Though they may seem like they’re making the plant more prolific with more stems, they actually end up taking nutrients away from the main plant and decrease strawberry production.  So we got out our scissors and started clipping our runners.  There were quite a few of them – some of them had even developed their own roots!

And as I was clipping the strawberry runners, I started thinking,

“Uh oh.  I’ve got a runner.  In my blog – I have a runner.”

This whole judging section of the blog – there are so many stories to tell and so many verses of Scripture to talk about!  Judging is everywhere.  But it’s turning into a runner.  If I don’t prune it back a little, I’m going to end up with this judging section taking up roots!  So we’ll prune it for now and try to come back to it sometime so we can keep feeding the plant!

What, again, was the plant?

I’m so glad you asked!

We started this blog not quite a year ago, and I am still unpacking ‘worthy of confronting’!  How crazy is that?  I knew the Lord had been showing me some things about whether things were worthy of confronting, but I had no idea it was this much!!  It is crazy important.

In conflict, it’s not just how we confront and respond.  It’s if we should even be confronting about it in the first place.

Or to go back even further than that – should we even be *thinking* it in the first place!

So that’s our main vine for now:  Should I even be thinking this stuff?  Much less getting mad at someone else over it and confronting them on it!  We’ve explored Philippians 4:8’s true, noble, right, pure… and we’re wrapping up lovely.  I added some categories on our menu under ‘worthy of confronting’ to help differentiate all this – I hope you like them!

So what were the main things that stemmed from our discussion of ‘lovely’?  (Did you catch that lovely little plant reference? : ))

{warning!}  a bit of hyperlink craze is ahead… we’ve been on this topic for a while!

‘Lovely’ seems to mean

Why shouldn’t we judge?

Not judging others is truly a blessing – to them and to us!

So what do we do?

What are some principles that help us not judge… but think lovely thoughts?

  • the -++ principle
  • A weakness is often simply a strength taken to an extreme.
  • Beware of the things you love most about someone – those are the things Satan will use to drive you crazy!

Lovely goodness!!  Quite the harvest, eh?

Lots to ponder as we seek to set our minds on things that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely.  Up next – admirable!

The “How” of How to be Right!

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So we’ve concluded that there is one – and only one – way to be right: to agree with God.

Everything else? Well, the obvious opposite is that if it disagrees with God, it’s wrong. And all the other stuff? Well, that’s personal preference, or a current best suggestion based on current best knowledge and understanding. Which can, of course, change in no time flat.

But I digress! If the way to be right is to agree with God, how do we do that?

Well, for the stuff in Scripture, we simply agree with it! We study it, know it, memorize it, align with it, practice it, implement it, reflect it, live it… and live by the Spirit in doing the best we can with it!

But what about the types of things Job’s friends were saying? How do we know if those are true of us? How do we come to right conclusion? A humbly right one, that is! We of course want to be open to sin in our lives, but we are in dangerous, destructive territory if we open ourselves to others’ inaccurate perceptions of sin in our lives. Because ‘inaccurate perception’ is simply seven syllables for a very destructive one: lie.

So what do we do about judgments? Paul talks about this in Galatians 6. He begins by talking about someone caught in sin.. that we should *restore* him *gently* (I feel another digression coming on!). A few sentences later, he gives this important instruction:

Each one should test his own actions…for each one should carry his own load.

It’s similar to the beloved Psalm 139:23-24:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

What emphasis do we see? It’s all about our relationship with the Lord and the Lord’s examining us. It’s all about personal responsibility. It doesn’t tell us to search another person’s heart – it tells us to search our own. It tells us to carry our own load. It tells us to mind our business! And that doesn’t just mean to stay out of other people’s business (with of course the loving exception of actual, factual sin) but to actively mind our own business. We are not told to search other people’s hearts, but we are told to search our own! Are we applying that in the right proportion?

{step off of soap box : )}

So how do we do this? I mean, really, truly, how? What specifically do we do?

Well, we’re in luck! And *free* luck at that – my favorite kind! : ) ChristianAudio’s free audiobook download this month is all about Hearing God. After all,

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind.” ~ Jeremiah 17:10

It is God’s job to search our hearts. We mustn’t give that responsibility – and privilege – to a lesser being.

How to be Right

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How can we be sure we’re right?

I mean – if I perceived something one way, and someone perceives it another – who is right?  Or if I think something should be done one way and someone else thinks it should be done another – who is right?  Like do you wake the sleeping baby to feed him, or do you never wake a sleeping baby?  Or there is always the age old over/under debate!  Who is right?

Well, we’re hanging out with Job, and he was right.  So how can we be like Job?

Now granted, the Lord had some things to say to Job – four chapters worth!  And Job had some repenting to do (Job 42:1-6).  But the Lord affirms that Job was right.  The Lord says to the three friends about Job,

“I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”  ~ Job 42:7

We covered the three friends‘ being really wrong last post.  So let’s focus on Job – he was actually right!  Because why?

Because the Lord says so?  Well yes, that is a fine answer.  God says it so we believe it!  But in a similar three-friend-like situation, how would I know if I am right?  After all, I’m not in the Bible – I don’t have any inerrant Word of God written about me!

Let’s try the same answer from a different angle.  Job isn’t right simply because Job is right – Job didn’t come up with some random things and then God decreed that Job’s thoughts are right and the friends are wrong.  Job is right because the things he said agreed with God.

That’s what makes a person right.

When they agree with God.

Because God is always right.

It’s a bit Lincoln-esque:

“Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.”

If our thoughts for sure don’t agree with God, then of course we’re for sure not right.  While the extreme is obvious, the middle ground is important to remember: if we’re not sure if our thoughts agree with God, then we may not right.

This applies to so many things!  My perception of another person – if it doesn’t align with what God knows of them and their heart, then I’m not right.  The tone with which I think a person wrote an e-mail – if it doesn’t align with what God knows of them and their heart, then I’m not right.  How I think a person should have responded – if it doesn’t algin with what God knows of them and their heart, then I’m not right.  The decision I think a person should make about a non-sin issue – if it doesn’t align with God’s plan for them, then I’m not right.

So how do I know?

How do I know if my thoughts about another person align with God’s?

How do I know if I’m right?

Just a warning here that you may not like this answer.  I mean, how could we possibly know what God wants for them?  If it’s in Scripture, we totally in love and with care share with them our understanding of what the Lord desires.  But if it’s not in Scripture, how do I know if what I think aligns with God?  How do I know if I’m right?

The answer?  I don’t.

I don’t know if I’m right.

And to pretend like I do?  Well, to Job’s friends, the Lord called that ‘folly.’

My heart?  My motives?  My tone?  My decision about a non-sin issue?  I’m not that old!  They aren’t in Scripture!

So unless it’s in Scripture, we best not act like we’re right.

(More specifics on How to be Right next post!)

A Beautiful Restoration

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We’re hanging out with Job, and we mentioned last post,

“Job actually was right.  And they are wrong.”

I want to delve into that a little more deeply…

Job’s friends were not just wrong – they were really, really wrong!!  The Lord called their perceptions of Job and his relationship with the Lord ‘folly’ and expressed that he was ‘angry’ with them.  So he asks them to make a sacrifice,

“So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”  ~ Job 42:8

There are two things that I just love about how God commands this restoration.  The first is about the dynamics of the offering…

God asks the friends to sacrifice a burnt offering:

“A burnt offering was the complete destruction of the animal (except for the hide) in an effort to renew the relationship between the Holy God and sinful man.”

Note it is *the friends* who need to renew their relationship with the Lord.  They thought Job was in the wrong for dozens of chapters… but really, it was their perception of Job and the Lord that was wrong.  So much so that they need to offer a sacrifice and renew their relationship with God.

“[A burnt offering] was a sacrifice of general atonement—an acknowledgement of the sin nature and a request for renewed relationship with God.”

It is interesting that a burnt offering is described in Leviticus 1 as a single animal — ‘a’ male or ‘the’ bull.  At the important celebration of Passover, the burnt offering is two bulls, one ram, and seven lambs (Numbers 28:19).  Now we can’t pretend to know God’s thinking behind the number of animals, but I do find it intriguing that Job’s friends were told to sacrifice more than that.  Not just ‘a’ burnt offering.  And more than what is sacrificed at Passover.  They were told to sacrifice 14 animals in total!

I also find it interesting that they were told to go ‘to my servant Job’ to sacrifice the animals.  The Lord doesn’t say just to sacrifice them.  He doesn’t offer another person to serve as the priest.  Instead, he tells them to go to Job to sacrifice the animals!  After Job’s repentance, it seems that the Lord may be either affirming Job as a high priest-type role (cf Job 1:5), or He is emphasizing the importance of the friends’ repentance both to Job and to the Lord, or both.  The Lord affirms Job and seeks to restore all the relationships – between friends and with their God.

So that’s the first thing I love: the picture of the friends’ sacrifice to the Lord being offered to Job.  It seems to offer such a beautiful illustration of forgiving the friends just as God forgives them!  It conveys such a tight depiction of the relational dynamics: restoring the Job-friends relationship just as God will restore the God-friends relationship.

Here’s the second thing I love…

Job also has an important role in all of this:

“My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”  ~ Job 42:8

Humility of all humility, God chooses not to treat the friends ‘according to their folly’ because Job will pray for them.  The one they’ve been critiquing, the one to whom they’ve been saying false things about him and his perception of God – he will intervene for them – he will be obedient to the Lord – so that the Lord will not deal with his false accusers according to their folly.

This is likely valuable for Job as well.  I love that the Lord seems to account for what He instructs millennia later:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  ~ Ephesians 4:31-32

I just love this!  Job has a role in the friends’ repentance: praying for them.  If it were me, this role would help me be sure to rid of any bitterness that is there, may be unbeknownst there, or that may creep in.  It would help me act with compassion towards my friends and be sure I have forgiven them.

I just love the restoration dynamics that the Lord puts together.  What a beautiful illustration of forgiving friends just as God forgives them!

If you’re in a similar Job-friends struggle in your life, may I encourage you that you are not alone.  In fact, you are in company throughout the ages. Job was a contemporary of Abraham - the book of Job takes place chronologically in Genesis!  We’ve got the creation of the world, Adam and Eve, Noah and the flood, Tower of Babel, then Abraham and Job.  So early human history is filled with chapters of friends falsely characterizing a godly person and his motives.  This is not new territory.

So maybe it should be all the more poignant for us.  We see from early in history what Satan does and the destruction he causes.  We see from early on whose team we can choose to help as a person’s friends.  That choice is an age-old question.  As is its answer!

A special thanks to lightharmony.com for today’s fantastic picture!

Hanging out with Job

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I’ve been hanging out in Job lately.  Poor man, right?  I mean, his whole world gets taken from him, and as if that’s not enough, then his friends all start falsely judging him and his relationship with the Lord.  Misperceiving his heart.  Telling him things about his motives that aren’t true.  And telling him things about his life and God’s motives in his life that are patently false.

Ughhh…. to have Job’s friends.  Especially at a time when he so needed them.

Have you ever been there?

When those you long to support you all instead judge you?

If so, I am sorry.  It’s painful.  And it’s lonely. And I am sorry for your suffering.

As if that weren’t hard enough, what can make it even more difficult is when – like Job’s friends – they are united in their judgment. When they have camaraderie in their perceptions.  It can create a feeling of legitimacy and validity.  It can strengthen their resolve in the ‘correctness’ of the judgments.

And it leaves Job – or you – out to dry.

We’ve talked about the danger of this mindset:

If one person calls you a horse, buck it off.
If three people call you a horse, buy a saddle.

Yes, it’s a cute phrase… but does it pass through the grid of Scripture?  That’s what matters!  Our blog on it covers some helpful territory, yet as I’ve been hanging out in Job, the Lord has, for me, brought the clearest example of the danger of that mindset.

Job was, after all, called all kinds of things by – how many? – three people.  (And in the end, ultimately four.) They have chapters and chapters and chapters of perceptions, judgments, and arguments about him and his relationship with the Lord. So are they right?  Is Job a ‘horse’?

This is what the Lord God says:

“There is no one on earth like [Job]; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”  ~ Job 1:8

The Lord God says Job is blameless and upright.  The Lord God says Job fears God and shuns evil.

So the (so called?) friends’ seeming unity of thought does not strengthen their argument.  Instead, it actually weakens them.  Or perhaps it’s more poignant than that: It deceives them.

And in their deceived mindset, what do they do?  Share them with Job and add to his distress.  In other words, they in effect help add to his calamity.

Yikes.

That was Satan’s job.

What does God think of the three friends?  The Lord says,

“I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”  ~ Job 42:7

The Lord God is angry with them.  Oh yikes.  My eyes well up with tears as I read that.  Those are words I sure don’t want to hear from my Lord!

Job actually was right.  And they are wrong.  The Lord God calls their characterizations “folly.”  And He repeats his assessment in the next verse:

“You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”  ~ Job 42:8

My heart sinks.

What should Job’s friends have done?  Instead of presenting their characterizations, what are we to do with arguments and perceptions that set themselves up against the knowledge of God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.  ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish them.  Dethrone them.  Put an end to them. Remember the cross imagery? We remove them. In a powerful, intentional, offensive, vanquishing way, we destroy them.

Such a powerful reminder from Job and his (so called?) friends.

Lord, help us not to be people of “folly.” Help us to demolish every argument and perception that sets itself up against your knowledge.  Help us to be friends of care, not judgment.  And help us to speak of you and your people what is right and pure.

But ‘their heart is deceitful’!

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We’ve looked at a lot of reasons why *not* to judge.  One of the biggest arguments I hear to defend judging is this:

“But your heart is deceitful.”

The situation would go something like this:

Jimmy approaches Sally and tells her something that he thinks he sees in her – something that negatively defines her character or motives.  Sally is stunned and tries to clarify that he has misperceived the situation and her motives.  Jimmy responds, “Well, Sally, your motives aren’t always as pure as you think.  After all, your heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

Hmmmm… is Jimmy spot on?

Jimmy sounds godly by quoting Scripture.  And at first glance, maybe the situation seems like Jimmy should be able to speak about Sally’s heart.

But let’s look a little more deeply.

If it’s true that our heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure (and Scripture says it, so I believe it), then what makes Jimmy’s heart any different from Sally’s?  If that verse applies to Sally’s heart, then why wouldn’t it apply to Jimmy’s as well?  So we’ve got Jimmy’s deceitful heart characterizing Sally’s deceitful heart.   That doesn’t clarify the motives of the heart – it compounds the deceit of the heart! 

Now in some situations, the “Jimmy” of the situation will then say, “But Sally is wrong.  I see this clearly, and she doesn’t.”  Again, if the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, then how are we to trust that Jimmy’s ‘seeing Sally’s heart clearly’ isn’t deceitful and beyond cure?  Being firmly convinced certainly doesn’t preclude deceit!

So we’ve got the logic argument that compounding deceit makes judgment worse – not better!

Let’s also look at the contextual argument.  Here’s our verse with the verses before it:

5 This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
 and beyond cure.   Who can understand it?  ~ Jeremiah 17:5-9

The Lord God says not to trust in man.  After all, what man can understand the heart?  Instead, trust in God.

Then check this out – this is the very next verse!

“I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.”  ~ Jeremiah 17:10

The argument that Sally’s heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure does *not* merit Jimmy’s judging it.  The point of the verse is *not* to have another person’s deceitful heart judge yours.  It is *not* to rely on man.

Instead, it is that the Lord searches our hearts.  It is to trust in the Lord!

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.  ~ Psalm 139:23-24

Our heart is deceitful, so GOD is the one who searches the heart!  His is not deceitful.  It is only from a pure perspective – and He’s the only one with a pure perspective! – that our hearts can be accurately perceived.

Question: What are some other reasons why we shouldn’t defend judging another person with ‘but your heart is deceitful’?

Pretty silly to judge!

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I would be remiss to do a series on judging and not include Romans 14!  And wow is there so much good stuff in here.  I’m tempted just to cut and paste the chapter.  I mean, God is God, and His Word is brilliant, of course! We’ll just hit on a few things pertaining to judging…

… or one!  We could pretty much start – and end! – with verse 4:

Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?

That pretty much hits the nail on the head:  Who am I to judge another’s servant?

Especially when the ‘another’ is God!

To their own master, servants stand or fall.

For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’”

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.  (v 4, 10-12)

God’s servants answer to Him.  He doesn’t need us to judge them!

I love this summary*:

“It’s God we are answerable to… That’s why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.”

Do you love that?  “the petty tyrannies of each other”!  It is God to whom we answer, so

“None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters.”

God’s got the judgments – and the judgment seat – taken care of for His servants.  He doesn’t need us to help!

And actually, our judgments are, well, pretty unhelpful.

“So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I’d say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we’re all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture:

‘As I live and breathe,’ God says, ‘every knee will bow before me; Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God.’”

So our judgments don’t help us.  And they also don’t help our brother or sister in Christ.  Instead, as we look at verses 13-21, they cause a big ol’ mess.

1.     Judging makes their life more difficult.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. (v13)

   2.     Judging drags them down by finding fault.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (v19; Message instructs with the inverse)

     3.     Judging makes us no longer a companion with them in love.

If your brother is distressed because of [whatever the non-Scripture issue is], you are no longer acting in love. (v16)

  4.     Judging wrecks God’s work among us.

Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of [whatever the non-Scripture issue is]. (v20)

That certainly doesn’t sound like anything that is beneficial to the kingdom!

So if our judging is actually pretty destructive, and since God’s got the judging taken care of,

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. (v13)

Amen?

So we leave the judging to God.  After all, He is the perfect Judge!  And I love that in His judgment, He’s rallying for His servants:

To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. (v4)

As the Lord rallies, so shall we.  Instead of judging, we can engage in things that are beneficial for the kingdom.

  1.     We use our energy to build up His servants.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (v19)

     2.     We single-mindedly serve our Master! 

So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.  For the kingdom of God is …a matter of …righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.  (v12, 17-18)

We’ve got our hands full just taking care of our own life before God!

* The summaries are from the Message.  I know some people don’t love the Message, but please be assured I am *not* relying on it as inspired text.  Just like commentaries can provide insightful perspective at times, the Message can at times provide perspective as well.

What I would love to change

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I so wish I could change it.

I so wish I could change one of the recurring themes in interactions involving judging.  I just love thinking about how much cheerier the world would be if it were different!

This is what I wish we wouldn’t miss out on ~

Judging misses an opportunity to care.

Take this story, for example…

Mindy is hanging out in the church lobby waiting for service to start.  Oh yeah!  she thinks.  Here comes Sarah, my small group leader! 

Um… but wait. 

Sarah races by Mindy with her hand up covering her face.

Um, really?  Mindy thinks.  How rude!  She’s my small group leader, and she didn’t even have the common courtesy to say hi.  And then she put her hand up to cover her face?!  I’m not two years old.  I know you’re still there.  If you don’t want to talk to me, then just tell me.  If you don’t want to be friends, there are more mature ways to let me know than to pretend like you don’t see me and that I can’t see you in the church lobby.  You clearly don’t want me in your small group. 

And on top of all that, Mindy thinks, you’re my small group leader!  This is no way for a small group leader to act.  I should find a staff person and let them know how rude my small group leader is being.  She is certainly not reflecting Christ’s love.

So that’s what Mindy thinks.  Now this is what’s going on in Sarah’s world…

Sarah is on her way to church.  She’s putzing along in traffic, all the while praying for the girls in her group.  She adores those ladies.

As she walks into church, she greets the guy cleaning the windows.  He gets startled, and oops!  Window cleaner spray goes right in her eye.  She jerks and rubs her eye… but apparently too harshly.  Her contact lens scratches her eye, and as she’s rubbing, it goes who-knows-where on her eyeball.  Ouch!  Her eye is on fire from the combination of the chemicals, the scratch, and now the super awkward – and painful – location of her contact lens.  With her hand clutching her eye, she races towards the bathroom hoping to get some relief by flushing her eye out with water.  It’s kind of hard to see and navigate through the crowd.  She prays, Lord, it would be nice if someone saw me and could come help.

Yikes, right?

Mindy feels like she has quite the case.  But does she?  When she runs her thoughts through Philippians 4:8, how will she fare?

Now what if Mindy – instead of judging and critiquing – chose instead to take captive her thoughts?  What if she chose to consider palliating circumstances?  What if she chose to not let judging and critiquing distract – or usurp – her love for her sister?  What if she had chosen instead of judging to care?

We have such a powerful opportunity as believers for our love for one another to be a testimony of Christ.  Yet judging or critiquing often causes us to miss an opportunity to care.  It can be such a sinful distraction from Christ’s call in our lives to love one another!

Simply being aware of this can keep us watchful for sin and Satan’s sneaky ways!  It can be a reminder when a judgmental thought enters our mind to ask, “Is there a way I could show love here?  Is my judging causing me to miss an opportunity to care?”

The Lord was gracious to use this in a powerfully humbling way in my life recently.  I can’t wait to tell you about it next time!