Tag Archives: God

If you’d like someone to be more vulnerable

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I’ve never met someone who isn’t vulnerable.

I’ve met a lot of people who others claim are not vulnerable.

But I’ve never actually met someone who isn’t vulnerable.  Who doesn’t know how to be vulnerable.  And who won’t share their true self.

door_open

In the right environment, that is.

Vulnerability is not a one-man show.

In an inviting atmosphere surrounded by the right person or people who affirm value, express interest, and create a safely wise environment, I have found that people are very willing to be vulnerable.

These are what I’ve observed to be the worst ways to go about getting someone to be more vulnerable:

  • Confronting them about their unwillingness to be vulnerable
  • Critiquing them for not sharing
  • Calling them out on it, especially in the presence of others
  • Telling others of your frustration with their unwillingness to be vulnerable
  • Blaming them

If someone isn’t being vulnerable, they weren’t waiting to get critiqued to start being vulnerable.  They weren’t sitting there thinking, “Now once I’m publically embarrassed, then I’ll be ready to be vulnerable.”  What these things are actually likely to accomplish is sealing the deal.  It will confirm for them that they were wise not to be vulnerable around you.  It also has a way of making them regret when they were vulnerable, and it nearly ascertains that they will not be vulnerable with you in the future.

Unfortunately, that’s not progress.  Or healthy.  Or helpful for the kingdom.

Instead, for most every problem, we can help contribute to the solution. 

We simply affirm

  • Value
  • Interest
  • Safety

There is no harm in trying any of these things.  The world will not be a worse place if we value people more, show more interest in them, and create safer environments.  So at the very least, you’ll make the world a better place.  You may also get that vulnerability you’ve been craving.  And… you could possibly even revolutionize someone’s world.

VALUE

Seriously.  Some people do not know they are valuable.  They have never been treated as valuable.  Or worse, someone has told them they are not valuable.  They may have grown up in a home where it was best to be seen and not heard, they may have a spouse who treats them in a way that communicates they lack worth, or they may work in an environment where they are consistently devalued.  They may not even realize that they don’t realize they are valuable.  (You may need to read that one again!)

If someone doesn’t know they are valuable, it likely doesn’t occur to them that they have anything valuable to share.  You may need to not only affirm their value, but also help them discover what specifically about them is valuable.

Almost every person with whom I have worked who has been critiqued for not being vulnerable has been abused in their life.  (I’m saying almost to allow for an exception, but in all honesty, I can’t think of one.)  Sometimes the mistreatment has been by others, and the vulnerability-critiquer is simply experiencing the effects.  Yet other times, unintentionally, it is by the critiquer himself.

So the first thing we can do is be sure we are not unintentionally harming them.  That we are refraining from presuming to know their thoughts and motives and negatively characterizing them.  That we are not thinking things about them that are not true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.  That we don’t just gloss over a list like that, but we consider each word intentionally and ask the Lord to convict our hearts if we’ve thought or said anything to them or about them that does not fit God’s desire for our hearts and minds.  If we’ve thought it, we confess it to the Lord.  If we’ve said it, we confess it to them.

So the first step towards their becoming more vulnerable around us may actually fall on us.

Secondly, we need to be sure we are convinced they have value.  To treat someone as valuable, we need to be convinced of their value.  God creates masterpieces.  If you need help seeing how this person is a masterpiece and a precious creation of God, then ask Him.  He delights to reveal His beauty.

Believe they are valuable, and begin to see what is valuable about them.

After you start to see their beauty and value, affirm it in them.  If they’re not aware of it, you will change their life.  Literally.  They will begin to see how the Lord has wired them.  They will begin to embrace it.  And your delighting with them over how the Lord has created them opens a precious door.  You will begin to get a sweet taste of that intimacy you’ve been craving.

And what I love about valuing others – it’s fun!

This is one of the many reasons I love the charge to

Encourage one another daily.

There are so many messages of how we are not valuable – or what is valuable to the world.  And there are precious few recalibrations of what the Lord finds valuable.  Encouraging one another daily is simply stating what you see in them that God likes, delights in, and created.  What in them resonates with Who the Lord is?  Maybe they are artistic.  Maybe they are creative. Maybe they are a good listener.  Maybe they have done something thoughtful.  Maybe they are committed to God’s Word.  Maybe they are a prayer warrior.  Calling out the Lord in them fills them with strength. It fills them with courage.  It calls out their value.

Affirming value is the first step towards vulnerability.  Believe they are valuable, and share that value with them.   It’s amazing the impact calling out someone’s value has.

I’ll leave us time to wrestle with that today.  How can you affirm someone’s value today?

Up next:  Expressing interest and being a wisely safe environment.

a fun activity to praise the Lord!

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Happy Thanksgiving!!

I hope you are enjoying a delightful day celebrating and being thankful!

How perfect is it that we’re talking about thinking things that are praiseworthy – and right in the midst of it falls Thanksgiving!  Don’t forget to spend some time today being thankful.

Hopefully you’ll get to tell someone today why you’re thankful for them…

And maybe even do your Ebenezer ornament…

And while we’re talking about ‘thankful’ activities, I thought I’d share with you one of my favorites.  I do this sometimes during my quiet time… or on the elliptical… or sitting in traffic… or when I need some help recalibrating my mind.  You may enjoy doing it as some personal reflection time or together today as a family!

It simply goes like this…

I write out the alphabet on a piece of paper:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Or maybe you want to write them individually on turkey feathers or something!  Feel free to get creative if you’d like!

Then I try to think of a word that describes God that starts with each letter.  Like Almighty, Awesome, Abba, Big, Brilliant, Caring.  It’s a valuable way for me to really spend time praising God for who He is.

If you’re familiar with the whole ACTS prayer deal (or if you’re a CATS fan), sometimes it seems it’s easy to go through the Adoration part too quickly before getting to Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication.  Or sometimes the Adoration kind of melds into the Thanksgiving – where we thank God for ways He’s worked in our lives and things He’s done instead of simply focusing on adjectives about who He is.  Both are valuable for sure!  But I sometimes find the Adoration part gets a little shortchanged or rote, where I always praise Him for the same few attributes.  This little game / brainstorm / time to think on the Lord helps me reflect more fully on Him and His glory and praise Him for His many and varied attributes.

It can be fun to do with others, too!  It’s insightful for me to see some people’s words focus more on attributes like Peaceful and Kind … and other people on attributes like Powerful and King of Kings.  All are true and wonderful, yet it can be a neat glimpse into a person’s personality which attributes of the Lord come to mind most readily (and possibly relevantly) for them!

No matter whether you do it alone, together, or in the car on the way home from your Thanksgiving gathering today, I hope you carve out some valuable time for your ABCs!  It’s a great way to think about things that are praiseworthy – to give the Lord a round of applause.  Or better, a standing ovation!

“It’s what He’s waiting for.  It’s what you’re waiting for too.  Your whole being waits to erupt into thunderous and unending praise.  You won’t be happy until you do…You won’t be happy until you forget your problems long enough to look up to heaven and be stunned into heartfelt thanks for a life overflowing with goodness.”  ~ Mike Mason, Champagne for the Soul

It’s Saturday…

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I was talking with a good friend this weekend about a relationship that just breaks my heart.  It’s not where I would like it to be… but I do genuinely believe that though it’s tough now, this is the path to a long-term, healthy, restored relationship.  If there is to be one, this is the way there.

But it’s not fun right now.

It’s hard.

And she did her darndest to encourage me that though it’s discouraging right now, this relationship may get worse before it gets better.

And though I don’t love to hear that, isn’t that often so true?

Just think about “cleaning out” a room… or the kitchen pantry… or your closet.  It’s not a ‘neat’ process – at my house, anyway!  I start with a few triggers – a sort of small mess, unused in-the-way things, a vision of how it can be better.  But before it gets better, it turns into quite a big mess!  Everything gets pulled out, and piles and trash bags and dust are everywhere!  And even if I’m systematic about it, if I stop in the middle and look around, it just looks like one. enormous. mess.  In those moments, it can be overwhelming.  It goes from needing to be cleaned… to a seemingly disaster area!  If I stop in the middle, it’s just a mess.  But on the other side of the mess is – finally! – organization.

So many things can be like that!  Maybe you’re like one of my friends in the middle of a discipline area with your child… and it sure feels like it’s getting worse!  Or maybe you’re like another one of my friends in a health situation where your body is detoxing or fighting a virus… and it feels like the fever is getting worse or the headaches are getting worse.  Or maybe you’re like me starting a workout program after too long away from the gym… and it sure feels more like your body is falling apart right now!  Or maybe you’re working through a relationship like I am… and it sure feels worse right now.  It feels like the disaster area moment.

It reminds me of something one of my counseling professors used to say,

It’s Saturday, but Sunday is a-coming!

Can you imagine what it must have been like the Saturday after Jesus was crucified?  The seeming mess.  The confusion.  What seems like hopelessness.  When you question where the victory is.  When you feel discouraged.  When you’re not sure what corner is going to turn when.  When it just feels like a mess.  Can you imagine the agony and the pain they must have experienced?  We know Jesus rose from the grave on Sunday… but that Saturday, well, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days,” may not have been quite so obvious to them.  That Saturday, many of them may never have imagined what God had in store on Sunday.

I can’t imagine how difficult that Saturday would have been.  But I now know that Saturday was necessary so that God could enable Sunday.  A resurrection and eternal life we so don’t deserve. A reconciled relationship with God we are so blessed to have.  Our sins redeemed.  Our Father.

It got worse before it got better.  And it was right. And it was good.  And the ‘better’ – God’s best – was so dern worth it!

So if you’re in a Saturday moment right now, I pray we would together remember – Sunday is acoming!  God is a God of healing and hope.  He redeems.  Saturday may feel like its lasting a really long time.  Trust me, I know!  And many of you I’m sure know even better than I.  But Sunday is acoming.  And in that, we can rejoice!

Question: What is a verse that encourages you when you’re in a ‘Saturday’ season… trying to remember that Sunday is acoming?  One of my favorites is 1 Peter 5:10 ~ And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  I love the *himself* part!  Another favorite is Romans 15:13 ~ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  I would love to be encouraged by your favorites!

happy little tree

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When I was little, do you know what I loved to watch on Saturdays? Other kids lived for Saturday morning cartoons. I lived for this Saturday favorite!

Did you watch any Bob Ross? With his happy little clouds… and his happy little trees… and his *gorgeous* landscapes. I just LOVED watching him. (One of my friends got a Bob Ross painting kit for Christmas one year. And yes, I was jealous.)

Most every show seemed serene. Idyllic. Bob with his calming presence, hushed voice, painting dreamy scenes.

And then almost every show, there would be a moment – a brush stroke – where I’d wonder, “Bob, what are you doing?!”

Like in this painting…

I can just tell where it would be. He’d start with that gorgeous backdrop of a scene. And it would look stunning. Like the perfect place to chill and hike and delight. And then he’d mix up some sort of burnt sienna concoction, and right on top of the gorgeous backdrop, he’d take that knife of his and slather on some brown darkness – right on top of the gorgeousness. And my little elementary voice would go, “Bob, what are you doing?!”

Oh – it would look like he was messing it up! He had a gorgeous picture, then he’d mess it up!

Or so I thought. He of course had a master plan. That dark blob of paint that I’d so desperately want to go away because it was ruining the idyllic dream – well, eventually he’d add some light and some leaves and blend it in. And usually – well, ok, almost always – by the end of the show, I’d see that that burnt sienna darkness that so looked like it was going to mess up the painting actually enhanced it. It brought a new dimension to it. It added contrast, character, depth. And, well, the Boss (Bob + Ross : )) sure knew what he was doing.

Now I’m going to go out on a limb here (that pun really wasn’t intended!). This is what made me think of Bob Ross and his burnt sienna blobs. And yes, it truly is a limb here.

My husband and I are trying to memorize a verse a week. It’s kind of fun. We just did James 1:2:

Consider pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds…

Some of your alarms are going off. I love that you know the Word! So here is my limb…

Most every version of the Bible reads,

Consider IT pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds…

But – are you ready for it? – the original Greek doesn’t have “IT” in it. Weird, huh?

I warned you this is a limb. I have searched and asked, but so far, I haven’t found anything that explains why everyone adds an “IT” in there. It technically isn’t bad to add it, so you have a direct object and an object complement. The meaning essentially becomes

Consider facing trials – or your particular trial – pure joy.

I find this really hard to do sometimes. When I am in the midst of some ucky trial, and nope! there isn’t anything about it that is pure joy. Or I counsel someone who has just had some horrible sin committed against them that begs all those questions about how God could allow such things to happen… and nope – there isn’t anything about it that is pure joy. So I look at “IT” – trials, or facing them – and try to consider “IT” pure joy. And sometimes I feel like a bad Christian. Because I can’t.

Now I get that the Lord can use the “IT” to build character and add richness and depth, and He does. But I actually think that supports the more mechanical translation from Greek. That we are to “consider pure joy” when we face trials of many kinds. (The mechanical translation is actually “consider all joy” or “consider every joy.”) Now I don’t mean that when we face a trial, we turn our back to it and instead think about sunshine and butterflies and puppy dogs. I mean that when we face a trial, instead of looking at the trial and trying to believe it is pure joy, we look at the larger picture of pure joy… and understand that eventually the trial is woven in as a part.

It’s like Bob’s painting. I don’t look at that burnt sienna blob and think, “Oh joy! He just put a dark blob covering up a happy part of the picture I loved!” I look at that dark blob and think, “Uggh. I don’t know what’s happening there. But this is what I will do: I will consider pure joy. I will keep my gaze focused on the joy he’s already created, and I will trust that eventually, the dark blob will become part of the beautiful masterpiece. It’ll add character and depth. It’ll add a richness. And it’ll contribute to the pure joy.”

It may seem like a subtle shift. But for me, it was profound. It was freeing. I’m not disobedient when I can’t see an ucky trial and call it pure joy. Instead, when I’m in an ucky trial, I consider pure joy… and trust that eventually, God will use it as a part.

To me, this seems consistent with what God does other places in Scripture. When His people are facing persecution is often when He gives them a vision of the big picture. He reminds them of pure joy. Some of the most amazing visions of pure joy we can imagine – like in Daniel and Revelation – were given during periods of intense persecution. The Lord focuses His people on pure joy when they are facing trials. To me, it keeps our focus where it should be – on His victories! And for me, sometimes those victories kind of swallow my trial… even if just a little bit.

So I personally treasure “consider pure joy.” It is a gem to me. But I did warn you this was a limb! I’ve only had seven semesters of Greek, and there are boatloads of people much more learned and much smarter than I. There is likely some great reason of which I am not yet aware why the “IT” is there. Yet as far as I am aware, “IT” isn’t in the original Greek, and to me, reading it more mechanically from the original Greek has brought comfort… and relief… and encouragement… and joy.

So if you’re going through a trial, if you’re persevering through a conflict or something, I invite you to consider pure joy. Not at the exclusion of what you’re going through. That burnt sienna blob is part of your masterpiece. But shift your eyes from the burnt sienna blob to delighting in the masterpiece. Consider the ‘pure joy’ big picture. See if it doesn’t lighten your load a little… shift your perspective a little… and truly enable a ‘happy little’ bit of joy in your trial.

“Happy painting, and God bless, my friend.”

(I can’t think of anything that would be biblically wrong about this… even if we can figure out what that “IT” is all about! But of course please feel free to chime in on either account!)

when the path to peace isn’t peaceful

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“Sometimes the path to peace isn’t peaceful.”

Ugggh.  I hate realities like that.

path trees coming into the lightAt first blush, it almost seems counterintuitive, right?  It seems like to get to peace you make peaceful decisions and have peaceful interactions and so you’re on the path to peace.

But thinking about it, I guess – reluctantly! – my husband’s words makes sense.

After all, the path to peace with God wasn’t peaceful.  Christ was beaten, scourged, ridiculed, denied, and ultimately hung on a cross.  That certainly wasn’t a peaceful path.  But it was the path that leads to ultimate peace.

My journey to knowing Christ wasn’t peaceful.  There were periods of doubt, frustration, wondering, debating, feeling lonely wondering if God exists, feeling angry with a God I wasn’t even sure existed.  None of that was peaceful, but it led to ultimate peace.

And I guess it’s not a concept that is totally foreign in life.  I mean, if you’re on a career path that makes you miserable, you may take a few steps backwards to jump on a different career path that can ultimately take you where you want to go.  It’s kind of the same concept – feeling like you could be regressing, but in actuality you’re make progress towards your ultimate desire.

And so it is with relationships.

Sometimes the path to a peaceful relationship isn’t peaceful.  Sometimes it feels like we’re taking steps backwards.  But in reality, we may just be getting a clearer picture of what needs to change to end up in ultimate peace.

“To hammer out a godly identity takes a lot of courage and a lot of work. And a lot of battles.”

(That’s from one of my all-time favorite books, Boundaries.  I seriously love that thing.  It molds and sharpens my perspective every time I read it.)

Now if it takes courage, a lot of work, and battles to hammer out a godly identity, imagine how much more to hammer out two godly identities!  And not just two godly identities, but two godly identities dancing together in godly friendship.  That’s a dream relationship.

Now for as many wrestling matches as I’ve had in my relationship with an all-perfect God, I certainly can’t expect any fewer wrestling matches working through a relationship with two sinful-but-hopefully-desiring-to-be-godly friends.

So sometimes the battles aren’t a bad thing.  They don’t necessarily mean that we’re regressing – like as a permanent direction. They may simply be revealing more clearly the challenges that need to be worked through if we are going to be able to progress.

After all,

“evil is an active force, and passivity can become an ally of evil by not pushing against it.”

Hmmm… I love that quote.  And at the same time, I hate it.  Wouldn’t it be nicer if the path to peace were simply peaceful?  Yet sometimes by choosing a ‘peaceful’ response, we may – {gulp!} – be - {gulp. yikes!} – an ally of evil.  Sometimes we have to push against the active force of sin so that our ‘peaceful’ or ‘agreeable’ response doesn’t actually enable sin.  And that push… that resistance to evil… that unwillingness to be an ally of evil… may result in a battle.

Or maybe ‘evil’ feels a bit strong.  In contentious situations, should we give the ‘peaceful,’ ‘agreeable’ response?  Should we do whatever it takes to keep the situation at peace?

A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty;
rescue them, and you will have to do it again. ~ Proverbs 19:19

Proverbs suggests no.  Sometimes it seems obvious what to do to placate the situation.  And tempting to do it.  But doing it may simply obviate a reality that needs to be faced.  It may rescue a hot-tempered person… and set us up to rescue them again and again.  It may enable unhealthiness.  It may simply keep what is under the surface under the surface… instead of bringing it to light to truly enable the person – and the relationship – to grow.

So while I long for peace in relationships, the path to get there isn’t always peaceful.  Battles can be a part of the journey towards peace.  And the weird thing is that there is immense freedom in embracing that.  And the opportunity to move forward in strength:

“This journey is always riddled with trouble, but also with the promises of our Shepherd to carry us through.”

As you journey down your path, and as you wrestle through your conflicts, and as you battle towards godly relationships, and as you aim towards relationships of true peace, I pray you’d feel the strength of the Shepherd carrying you through.

Hmmm… in His arms, maybe there can be peace along the way after all…

photo credit: my amazing husband!

The party path

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It’s so stinking much fun!

Seriously.

The God of the universe says, “I don’t want you thinking about complain-y things. I want you thinking about non-complain-y things.”

And we tend to respond, “NO. I want to think about complain-y things. I want to think about the drudge and the mess and the ucky stuff and the worst possible things about a situation. I want to focus on the things that are going wrong and be negative about them. I want to focus on the things people are doing wrong and be critical about it. I want to focus on why I think they did this or that and be cynical about it. I want to focus on the uck.”

And God’s saying, “Why?”

Or maybe He’s not. But after you take the challenge, I think you’ll be saying it!

There’s a party going on. It’s in Non-Complain Land. And it’s stinkin fun to go through life not complaining. You get more enjoyment out of life, increased emotional energy, cultivated optimism, increased propensity towards action, postive and healthier relationships… and you give honor to the Lord! And as if that’s not enough, there is an after-party, too. I’ll tell you about that next time!

So we have a party, and after-party… what else do we need? Fellow partiers! Coming up (and this part was a bit different than I thought)!

Until then, I hope you’re enjoying thinking about things that are admirable. Imagine – God’s saying, “Stay out of the uck. And come into the good stuff.”

Question: What are you enjoying about your ‘do everything without complaining’ challenge?

“Recent Unpleasantness”

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When Scripture refers to the ‘aroma of Christ,’ I think of Chuck Colson!  My exposure to Chuck began when I first moved to DC.  I worked in the Watergate… and if you work at the Watergate, you can’t help but get intrigued!  Chuck’s notoriety as one of Nixon’s top advisors whose heart was changed for the Lord in the midst of Watergate’s unraveling.  The Lord used Chuck’s prison time to purpose in him a passion for prison reform of eternal impact as well as a passion for moral conviction in society and culture.

When I first moved to DC, I had the opportunity to take a class based on Chuck’s How Now Shall We Live - all about his passion for living redemptively in the contemporary culture.  The book itself is fascinating… yet the class was especially fascinating because of its teacher!

The instructor, a friend of Chuck’s, had just had an intense adventure in living redemptively in contemporary culture.  His character, his family, his reputation, his motives, and his life were all subject to intense scrutiny, judgment, and accusations as he sought to do the job he was appointed to do.

I had preconceived notions of the instructor based on news clips, but the man I met in person couldn’t have been more different.  His name still seems to conjure up emotional responses and opinions well over a decade later, so I’m a little hesitant to mention it.  But what stood out to me about this class is that he wasn’t just teaching academic principles about how to live redemptively in contemporary culture.  He wasn’t just teaching theological musings.  He, like Chuck, had lived through years of what he euphemistically referred to as the “recent unpleasantness.”  The toil on his family, the impact on him personally, the attacks on his character and motives – they wrapped it up into that little term: “recent unpleasantness.”

It’s a season I’m guessing they wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But that refiner’s fire forced him to cling to the Word and the Lord such that he knew the power and truths of the challenges of living redemptively in contemporary culture.  He didn’t just know them – he *knew* them.  He owned them.  He breathed them.  He clung to them.  And he knew and lived them like he’d never done before.

And when he was passionate about a point, it wasn’t because he wanted people to think highly of him academically.  And it wasn’t because he wanted to enter into a theological debate.

It was because he *knew* – he had experienced such that he knew that he knew that he knew – the power of the Lord for redemption in trials.

That’s something that can only come from a season of “recent unpleasantness.”

It can only come from a refiner’s fire.

My heart for this blog comes from a similar place.  My thoughts here aren’t simply theological musings and academic principles.  I don’t belabor particular points just for torture’s sake. : ) They aren’t the result of a bunch of years of seminary – though I believe the Lord did use some wise people along to the way to guide, encourage, and challenge me.  They aren’t the result of memorizing a bunch of Greek – though I believe He has used that to help me understand.  They aren’t the result of philosophical musings, and they certainly aren’t a desire to make up a bunch of ‘rules’!  Uck!

They are a result of wrestling with the Lord… and wrestling… and wrestling… and wrestling… through years of my own “recent unpleasantness.”

They come after years of seeking Him for clarity, insight, and wisdom.  After crying out to Him when I’ve felt like I could cry out no longer.  After hurting and hurting and hurting.  After helping others who are scarred.  After struggling with the Lord to help me understand.  And after begging Him for hope and healing.

After hurting and aching and pleading and healing and exhausting and trying and resting and seeking.

After way too much “recent unpleasantness.”

These are the things I believe the Lord is showing me.

These are the things I passionately believe can transform relationships ~ for His Glory!

photo credit: my talented husband at www.davebattle.com

A Beautiful Restoration

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We’re hanging out with Job, and we mentioned last post,

“Job actually was right.  And they are wrong.”

I want to delve into that a little more deeply…

Job’s friends were not just wrong – they were really, really wrong!!  The Lord called their perceptions of Job and his relationship with the Lord ‘folly’ and expressed that he was ‘angry’ with them.  So he asks them to make a sacrifice,

“So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”  ~ Job 42:8

There are two things that I just love about how God commands this restoration.  The first is about the dynamics of the offering…

God asks the friends to sacrifice a burnt offering:

“A burnt offering was the complete destruction of the animal (except for the hide) in an effort to renew the relationship between the Holy God and sinful man.”

Note it is *the friends* who need to renew their relationship with the Lord.  They thought Job was in the wrong for dozens of chapters… but really, it was their perception of Job and the Lord that was wrong.  So much so that they need to offer a sacrifice and renew their relationship with God.

“[A burnt offering] was a sacrifice of general atonement—an acknowledgement of the sin nature and a request for renewed relationship with God.”

It is interesting that a burnt offering is described in Leviticus 1 as a single animal — ‘a’ male or ‘the’ bull.  At the important celebration of Passover, the burnt offering is two bulls, one ram, and seven lambs (Numbers 28:19).  Now we can’t pretend to know God’s thinking behind the number of animals, but I do find it intriguing that Job’s friends were told to sacrifice more than that.  Not just ‘a’ burnt offering.  And more than what is sacrificed at Passover.  They were told to sacrifice 14 animals in total!

I also find it interesting that they were told to go ‘to my servant Job’ to sacrifice the animals.  The Lord doesn’t say just to sacrifice them.  He doesn’t offer another person to serve as the priest.  Instead, he tells them to go to Job to sacrifice the animals!  After Job’s repentance, it seems that the Lord may be either affirming Job as a high priest-type role (cf Job 1:5), or He is emphasizing the importance of the friends’ repentance both to Job and to the Lord, or both.  The Lord affirms Job and seeks to restore all the relationships – between friends and with their God.

So that’s the first thing I love: the picture of the friends’ sacrifice to the Lord being offered to Job.  It seems to offer such a beautiful illustration of forgiving the friends just as God forgives them!  It conveys such a tight depiction of the relational dynamics: restoring the Job-friends relationship just as God will restore the God-friends relationship.

Here’s the second thing I love…

Job also has an important role in all of this:

“My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”  ~ Job 42:8

Humility of all humility, God chooses not to treat the friends ‘according to their folly’ because Job will pray for them.  The one they’ve been critiquing, the one to whom they’ve been saying false things about him and his perception of God – he will intervene for them – he will be obedient to the Lord – so that the Lord will not deal with his false accusers according to their folly.

This is likely valuable for Job as well.  I love that the Lord seems to account for what He instructs millennia later:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  ~ Ephesians 4:31-32

I just love this!  Job has a role in the friends’ repentance: praying for them.  If it were me, this role would help me be sure to rid of any bitterness that is there, may be unbeknownst there, or that may creep in.  It would help me act with compassion towards my friends and be sure I have forgiven them.

I just love the restoration dynamics that the Lord puts together.  What a beautiful illustration of forgiving friends just as God forgives them!

If you’re in a similar Job-friends struggle in your life, may I encourage you that you are not alone.  In fact, you are in company throughout the ages. Job was a contemporary of Abraham - the book of Job takes place chronologically in Genesis!  We’ve got the creation of the world, Adam and Eve, Noah and the flood, Tower of Babel, then Abraham and Job.  So early human history is filled with chapters of friends falsely characterizing a godly person and his motives.  This is not new territory.

So maybe it should be all the more poignant for us.  We see from early in history what Satan does and the destruction he causes.  We see from early on whose team we can choose to help as a person’s friends.  That choice is an age-old question.  As is its answer!

A special thanks to lightharmony.com for today’s fantastic picture!

Hanging out with Job

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I’ve been hanging out in Job lately.  Poor man, right?  I mean, his whole world gets taken from him, and as if that’s not enough, then his friends all start falsely judging him and his relationship with the Lord.  Misperceiving his heart.  Telling him things about his motives that aren’t true.  And telling him things about his life and God’s motives in his life that are patently false.

Ughhh…. to have Job’s friends.  Especially at a time when he so needed them.

Have you ever been there?

When those you long to support you all instead judge you?

If so, I am sorry.  It’s painful.  And it’s lonely. And I am sorry for your suffering.

As if that weren’t hard enough, what can make it even more difficult is when – like Job’s friends – they are united in their judgment. When they have camaraderie in their perceptions.  It can create a feeling of legitimacy and validity.  It can strengthen their resolve in the ‘correctness’ of the judgments.

And it leaves Job – or you – out to dry.

We’ve talked about the danger of this mindset:

If one person calls you a horse, buck it off.
If three people call you a horse, buy a saddle.

Yes, it’s a cute phrase… but does it pass through the grid of Scripture?  That’s what matters!  Our blog on it covers some helpful territory, yet as I’ve been hanging out in Job, the Lord has, for me, brought the clearest example of the danger of that mindset.

Job was, after all, called all kinds of things by – how many? – three people.  (And in the end, ultimately four.) They have chapters and chapters and chapters of perceptions, judgments, and arguments about him and his relationship with the Lord. So are they right?  Is Job a ‘horse’?

This is what the Lord God says:

“There is no one on earth like [Job]; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”  ~ Job 1:8

The Lord God says Job is blameless and upright.  The Lord God says Job fears God and shuns evil.

So the (so called?) friends’ seeming unity of thought does not strengthen their argument.  Instead, it actually weakens them.  Or perhaps it’s more poignant than that: It deceives them.

And in their deceived mindset, what do they do?  Share them with Job and add to his distress.  In other words, they in effect help add to his calamity.

Yikes.

That was Satan’s job.

What does God think of the three friends?  The Lord says,

“I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”  ~ Job 42:7

The Lord God is angry with them.  Oh yikes.  My eyes well up with tears as I read that.  Those are words I sure don’t want to hear from my Lord!

Job actually was right.  And they are wrong.  The Lord God calls their characterizations “folly.”  And He repeats his assessment in the next verse:

“You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”  ~ Job 42:8

My heart sinks.

What should Job’s friends have done?  Instead of presenting their characterizations, what are we to do with arguments and perceptions that set themselves up against the knowledge of God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.  ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish them.  Dethrone them.  Put an end to them. Remember the cross imagery? We remove them. In a powerful, intentional, offensive, vanquishing way, we destroy them.

Such a powerful reminder from Job and his (so called?) friends.

Lord, help us not to be people of “folly.” Help us to demolish every argument and perception that sets itself up against your knowledge.  Help us to be friends of care, not judgment.  And help us to speak of you and your people what is right and pure.

Why Brian Banks’ “Both/And” is so essential

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My husband sent me an interesting article the other day.

It’s an amazing story of a remarkable man, Brian Banks.  But what is remarkable is not really anything he did.  What is remarkable is how he responded to what he *didn’t* do.

Here is his summary:

Basically this guy, a budding high school football star, was wrongly accused and convicted of kidnapping and rape 10 years ago. He served a number of years and was most recently stuck with wearing a GPS ankle bracelet. All until last week – a judge threw out his conviction because the girl (accuser) admitted on tape that he didn’t rape her or kidnap her.

Can you imagine?!  You’re 16.  You are on a path towards sports scholarships and football fame.  But then a fabricated crime – a lie – results in jail time.  Six years in jail because of a lie!  (And I have heard such horror stories about the impact prison can have on even the nicest of people.)  Then when you get out, you have to wear an ankle bracelet.  You’re not allowed anywhere there are kids – playgrounds, parks, SeaWorld.  You have to register as a convicted sex offender.  And you can’t find anyone who will hire you.

All because of a lie.

Ughhh.

What would you do?

  • You could go The Godfather route, annihilating those who stood against you and your family.
  • You could go the Count of Monte Cristo route, exacting revenge on those who wronged you.   Destroying their life, like they destroyed yours.
  • You could go the ‘Even Steven‘ route.  In this case, the girl – the lying accuser – got a $750,000 settlement (from the school).  You could spend your time and energy rallying and demanding that she should have to pay back all the money that she got because of her lie.  After all, that’s fair, right?
  • Or you could go the Brian Banks route.  You could not demand the girl pay the money back.  You could drop that.  Be free of it.  And you could focus on your future.  Without the ankle bracelet.  And all the possibilities.

Yes, it stinks those years are gone.

But that’s just it.  They are gone.

Why waste future years as well?

It’s really the model of the Philippians 3:13:

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on!

(For believers, that’s “toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  I hope that’s Brian’s goal, but I don’t know him well enough to speak to that!)

I’ve always loved the math in that verse.  The ‘one’ thing I do is (1) forgetting what is behind and (2) straining towards what is ahead.  Interesting, huh?  The one thing I do is really two things.  But it’s so true!  It truly is a both/and.  Banks is forgetting what is behind – if the school wants their money back from the accuser, that’s their deal.  But he is also straining towards what is ahead – like football opportunities!  He has got to forget what is behind so that he is free from it to strain towards what is ahead.

Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible describes it this way:

Forgetting those things which are behind – My conduct is not regulated nor influenced by that of others; I consider my calling, my Master, my work, and my end. If others think they have time to loiter or trifle, I have none: time is flying; eternity is at hand; and my all is at stake.

Forgetting what is behind AND straining towards what is ahead.  The NAS translates it ‘reaching forward’ to what lies ahead.  The KJV calls it ‘reaching forth.’

Reaching forth – The Greek word επεκτεινομενος points out the strong exertions made in the race; every muscle and nerve is exerted, and he puts forth every particle of his strength in running. He was running for life, and running for his life.

We have got to replace the old with the new.  Not just get rid of the old, but also put every particle of our strength into the new.

Why is this both/and so important?

“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.”  ~ Luke 24:24-26

Yikes, right?  The both/and is really important.  Sweep out the bad and put forth every particle of our strength replacing it with the good.

I’ve got to remind myself of this often.  In some areas of my life, my thoughts keep ruminating back to the old.  It’s not about just taking them captive and confessing them.  It’s replacing those parts of my life with the new!

I have this in my kitchen…

Yes, those are food smudges on it. I’m only so neat of a cook : ) And yes, it is curling up from so much wear!

And I have this in my bathroom…

A bit steam-worn, but so valuable!

For Banks, this quote has an especially profound reality! : )

So what is it we need to forget so we can exert all our energy for life? 

And what is it we need to tenaciously pursue so that the old stays gone?

As Philippians 3 goes on to advocate:

All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things.   ~ verse 15

Amen?

a lil’ ol’ note:  Yes, I like the quote in my bathroom.  That certainly doesn’t mean I advocate an entire person or philosophy!