Tag Archives: freedom

One of my favorite things about our marriage

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Today my husband and I celebrate 9 years of marriage!  The Lord has been so gracious.

There are certainly other areas of our lives that have been filled with challenges, but He has been so gracious in our marriage.  And I am so grateful.  What more could a girl ask for?

Dave did a little impromptu dance in the middle of our wedding ceremony. It was hilarious :)

So we’ve only been doing this marriage thing for 9 years so far.  We clearly have a ways to go.  And for as prepared as I was for this whole ‘oneness’ thing to reveal more deeply the good – and the bad – in my mate, I’m still waiting for the latter.  So I clearly can only speak from so much of a vantage point.

But one of the things I love about our marriage – and one of the things that I think has been such a blessing – is a paradigm the Lord has been gracious to lay on our hearts.

Where the Bible is clear, we will be adamant.
Where the Bible doesn’t speak, we allow freedom.

Now this is actually part of our church’s position on doctrine… but we find the practical application in marriage and relationships super helpful ~ and freeing!!

Has the Lord said it?  Then we do our best to be adamant about it in our relationship and in our lives.  But if the Lord hasn’t spoken about it, then there is freedom.  If the Lord doesn’t find it important enough to speak on, why would we be crazy enough to allow it a foothold in our marriage?  Marriage is important to the Lord (Matthew 19:6; Ephesians 5:22-31).  Oneness is important to the Lord (John 17).  So why allow something that isn’t important to the Lord interfere with something that is?

Let’s take Christmas shopping for example.  I personally think August is a great time to get our Christmas shopping done.  My husband would rather do other things in August.  He thinks the week before Christmas is a great time to do our Christmas shopping.  Is it worth fighting over?  Well, is it in Scripture?  Nope.  So is it worth fighting over?  Nope.  Is it worth my calling him a bunch of names and telling him he’s a procrastinator?  Nope.  In fact, buying Christmas presents isn’t even in Scripture.  But encouraging one another daily is.  How am I doing on that?  Respecting your husband is.  How am I doing on that?  For me, personally, there are plenty of things in Scripture to work on – I don’t need to make up additional things!  And while my husband is the most godly man I know, I think he would still say there are things in Scripture for him to work on.  He certainly doesn’t need me to make up additional things for him to do!

Or let’s take the laundry for example.  I am perfectly fine with throwing everything together – whites and colors – on cold.  That works for me.  My husband, however, thinks that makes his white undershirts less bright.  Hmmmm… is it in the Bible?  Nope.  So is it worth fighting over?  Nope.  Is one of us right?  Nope.  It’s just different approaches.  So we do a little maneuvering to figure out how to help our approaches dance together.  It’s not about ‘winning’ or ‘being right’ or ‘I told you so.’  If it’s not in Scripture, we allow freedom.  So we have some options.  One option is that I am glad to do any laundry that he doesn’t mind being all mixed together.  Another option is that I can choose to do his laundry separate to keep his shirts white.  And I’m sure there are other options.   What I chose is that my husband doesn’t ask very much of me, and I love knowing things that make him happy, and this makes him happy, and I’d like to do this for him, so I choose to serve in this way.  So we (honestly, probably like most houses in America) now sort our laundry between lights and darks.

Or let’s take joining a small group.  Ohhhh…. I’m inching closer to spiritual things here.  To things that actually are in Scripture.  When we were first married, I thought we should be in a couples small group.  Dave didn’t.  He thought we were too busy.  He thought we should focus on considering our current priorities and maybe consider a small group down the road.  My professional job was small groups.  As much as I tried not to let my job creep into this, it kind of felt a little personal: I can’t get my own husband to join a small group!  Yep, there were all kinds of possible tensions and potential explosions under the surface.  So I prayed about it.  And I wrestled with the Lord about it.  And I asked Him what to do.  And the Lord was gracious to bring this to mind:  “If I had a list of things for which I was going to bless a marriage, that wouldn’t be on there.”

Weird, huh?

Ok, let me first point out that what I felt like the Lord impressed on me started with ‘if.’  I do *not* believe we serve a legalistic, check-list God.  I believe we serve a loving, passionate, personal God!

So I pondered what I felt like He impressed on me for a while.  I mean, joining a small group sounds spiritual.  It sounds like something the Lord would want us to do.  It sure sounds like something I would be right about. : )  But you know what?  “Join a small group” is not in Scripture.  Even for someone who worked in ministry on a small groups staff, I had to admit this.  Are its principles in Scripture?  Well, sure.  Does the Lord want us to experience the Body?  Absolutely.  Does He want us in His Word?  Absolutely.   But does He mandate that every married couple must be in a small group their first year of marriage?  Nope.

So then I started thinking, “Ok, Lord.  If joining a small group isn’t on your ‘list’ of things for which you would bless a marriage, what is?”

And the Lord brought this to mind, “Respect your husband.  Honor his leadership.”

I love when the Lord is so gracious to steer me in His perfect direction.

So it was settled.  I have an amazing husband who values the Body and values God’s Word.  But he also values sanity and waiting on the Lord’s timing and direction.  And so we did.  And eventually, in God’s perfect timing – and with my husband’s godly leadership – we joined a small group.

And I believe, so the Lord blessed our marriage.

Where the Bible is clear, we will be adamant.
Where the Bible doesn’t speak, we allow freedom.

It’s been one of my favorite things about our marriage so far.  Focusing on the things that are in Scripture – and being free from imposing other things that are not in Scripture – has helped give so much clarity, direction, freedom, life, vitality, and love to our marriage.  It gives a safety, a peace, and a security that I just love.  We know what we’re adamant about, and we know where there is freedom.  And the life and joy that comes from that has been such blessing to me.

Happy 9th Anniversary, Love!!  I am honored to call you my husband.

Question: What is one of your favorite things about your marriage?  You can leave a comment below.  

Living Freely

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The Unhunkered Life?  Yeah.  That blog post was totally for me.

The Lord convicted me of something recently.  And I just love when He loves me so much that He frees me from something that is enslaving me.  What a blessing – and what a God! : )  He wants me to be living abundantly in Him!  And I wasn’t.

What was I doing instead of living an abundant life in Christ?  I was living in bondage to critical people.

Yuck.

I’d gotten to the place where I was so exhausted from critical people, so depleted from persevering through unfounded critiques, so paralyzed by the harshness of potential critiques, that I pretty much didn’t want to do anything.

In fact, my biggest hesitation in launching this blog was dealing with unfounded, harsh critiques that Christians seem to lobby against their own.  I told the Pres (my husband – he’s the president of the blog : ) ) – that maybe I was just writing these to help me process.  And maybe I don’t need to ever go live with it.

I wish you could have seen his face.  : )  Needless to say, he thought I should launch it.

So the Lord had to help me work through some things.

What I was doing wasn’t working.  I came across a quote by Aristotle:

“Criticism is something you can avoid easily – by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

At first I thought, “Ugggh.  That’s exactly what I’ve done.  I’ve gotten so worn down by criticism that I am just hunkering.”  But then I thought, “But that hasn’t even worked for me!  I try to catch a break from critical people by saying nothing, doing nothing, and sometimes being nothing… yet I am still facing the craziest critiques!”

Not only is it an un-fun, un-life-giving (like that one?: )), un-*everything* way to live… it wasn’t even accomplishing it’s goal!  There has got to be a better way to do this.

And then I heard a mini Beth Moore in my head : )  She was pointing that finger of hers and leaning forward with all passion, exhorting from her Believing God study:

When we’re standing before God, we’re not going to be able to point, “Well *she* was why I didn’t… Do you remember how she acted when I tried to?”

So why am I allowing critical people to direct my steps?  Why in the world?!

And then the verses just started coming:

Therefore…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3

One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 3:13-14

…and more … and more came.

It was such a blessing.  And the Lord has taken me on quite the journey in this.  There is so much more I want to share with you.  It has greatly affected how I view responding well.  And it has heightened for me the importance of worthy of confronting. If we can do that well, we can prevent all these life-sucking critiques and condemnations – yeah!  As for persevering, a dear friend helped me with a great tip.  I can’t wait to share it with you soon!  But for now, such the critical part of it was the conviction – identifying to what exactly I was enslaved.

I simply asked the Lord, and He graciously brought so much clarity, conviction, and freedom.  He’s gracious to remind me at times, “You have not because you ask not” (James 4:2).

Ask Him.  He’ll show you.

Then throw off that sin, and run with joy!