Tag Archives: Christian

The Bird

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I like to be happy.

Most of the time, I am.

I’m one of those people that people ask, “Don’t you ever get mad?”

And in general, the answer is no.  I don’t really.  It’s cool with me that people are different and some people do things differently.  I don’t really get angry.

Or so I thought!

In Enemies of the Heart, Andy Stanley characterizes anger a bit differently.  He has a few descriptions, like it is not getting something we want or deserve.  It’s feeling like someone owes you something (like an apology).  But this is the one that really got to me: when something is taken from you.

It could be your reputation.
It could be a sense a protection.
It could be a friendship.
It could be feeling valued.
It could be being respected.
It could be your energy.
It could be your time.
It could be lots of things.

Anything taken from you.  And he calls the result ‘anger.’

I’ve been working with a blessing of a coach, and she asked me regarding my recent unpleasantness, “What was taken from you?”

Wow.  The list started.  And went.  And went.  And went.

I was stunned at how expansive it was.  Wide.  Deep.  Impactful.  The question gave me a picture and a clarity I hadn’t had before.  And it helped me understand why the unpleasantness has been so, well, unpleasant!

I love the question because it gets at the tentacles of a situation.  You know – the ways a situation wraps itself around other things, creeps into unexpected area, spreads out and expands.  It gets beyond the action to its effects and impact.

Let’s say your boss tells you you can go to a conference that’ll help your career and he says he’ll cover the expenses.  So you go.  And you come back.   And you had a valuable time in between.  Then you go to turn in your receipts, and he says he can’t cover it.  Hmmmph.  Now what.

Now there is regular ol’ forgiveness:

“I forgive my boss for saying he’d cover the conference and then not doing it.”

And there is “what was taken from you?” forgiveness:

  • Your boss (essentially) took money from you.

But the tentacles go beyond that…

  • Your boss took trust from you.  Your relationship isn’t quite the same.
  • Your boss took your reputation with your relatives from you.  You are now in a financial pickle, yet you don’t feel like you can explain to your unbelieving relatives that your Christian boss reneged.  But they are aware you are in a financial pickle, and they think you can’t manage your finances.
  • Your boss took your witness from you.  You are disappointed about the impact that your relatives’ eventually finding out will have on Christians’ credibility.
  • Your boss took confidence from you.  You thought he was behind you and your career.

Just brainstorming here, but you see all those tentacles!   The action impacts more than just that action.  (And yes, there is more we can say about how to process these things.  But for now, we’re just focusing on the tentacles.  We’re seeking to understanding the depth and breadth of the ‘anger.’)

So this is (my version of) what Andy recommends:

1.  THE WHO – Who do you hope to never see again?  Who do you not want to run into?  Who do you feel like owes you an apology?

Make a list:  I am angry with ________________.

Now I know this sounds silly.  But trust me.  It’s good to be clear.

(And maybe you’re like me, thinking, “I’m not really an angry person.”  I’d suggest not getting hung up on the word ‘anger.’  It’s the end we’re after – this is only the beginning!)

2.  THE WHAT – What did they take from me?

Be sure to examine it from multiple angles. There may be lots of tentacles.  Get them.  Unearth them.  Write them down.  The more comprehensive you are, the more free you can ultimately be!

3.  THE HOW – Forgive!

Andy suggests this great prayer (I just made one little tweak):

Heavenly Father, _______ has taken ______ from me.  I have held on to this debt long enough.  I choose to cancel this debt.  _______ doesn’t owe me anymore for _________.  Just as you forgave me, I forgive __________.

Now this is important – or it was for me anyway!  I do *not* suggest praying,

Heavenly Father, my boss has taken a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, and n from me.

When I tried to get efficient with this, it just riled me up.  Instead, I found it more effective – freeing – and truly forgiving – to pray the prayer over and over.

Heavenly Father, my boss has taken ‘a’ from me.  I have held on to this debt long enough.  I choose to cancel this debt.  My boss doesn’t owe me anymore for ‘a.’  Just as you forgave me, I forgive my boss.

Heavenly Father, my boss has taken ‘b’ from me.  I have held on to this debt long enough.  I choose to cancel this debt.  My boss doesn’t owe me anymore for ‘b.’  Just as you forgave me, I forgive my boss.

Heavenly Father, my boss has taken ‘c’ from me.  I have held on to this debt long enough.  I choose to cancel this debt.  My boss doesn’t owe me anymore for ‘c.’  Just as you forgave me, I forgive my boss.

It may not sound efficient, but if it’s effective, it’s ultimately more efficient!  I have prayed this prayer hundreds of times already for different tentacles and different people.  And I’m not done.  {And this is coming from a not-angry person! : )}  The time and energy investment is so worth it.

4.  WHAT NEXT?  Andy recommends that when the memory comes up down the road, to remind myself, “________ doesn’t owe me.”

He makes a good point:

Debts cannot be repaid.  The best thing to do is cancel them!

I hope you’ll give it a try.  It is so incredibly freeing!

I look forward to sharing with you next time why I’m glad I did.

But ‘their heart is deceitful’!

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We’ve looked at a lot of reasons why *not* to judge.  One of the biggest arguments I hear to defend judging is this:

“But your heart is deceitful.”

The situation would go something like this:

Jimmy approaches Sally and tells her something that he thinks he sees in her – something that negatively defines her character or motives.  Sally is stunned and tries to clarify that he has misperceived the situation and her motives.  Jimmy responds, “Well, Sally, your motives aren’t always as pure as you think.  After all, your heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

Hmmmm… is Jimmy spot on?

Jimmy sounds godly by quoting Scripture.  And at first glance, maybe the situation seems like Jimmy should be able to speak about Sally’s heart.

But let’s look a little more deeply.

If it’s true that our heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure (and Scripture says it, so I believe it), then what makes Jimmy’s heart any different from Sally’s?  If that verse applies to Sally’s heart, then why wouldn’t it apply to Jimmy’s as well?  So we’ve got Jimmy’s deceitful heart characterizing Sally’s deceitful heart.   That doesn’t clarify the motives of the heart – it compounds the deceit of the heart! 

Now in some situations, the “Jimmy” of the situation will then say, “But Sally is wrong.  I see this clearly, and she doesn’t.”  Again, if the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, then how are we to trust that Jimmy’s ‘seeing Sally’s heart clearly’ isn’t deceitful and beyond cure?  Being firmly convinced certainly doesn’t preclude deceit!

So we’ve got the logic argument that compounding deceit makes judgment worse – not better!

Let’s also look at the contextual argument.  Here’s our verse with the verses before it:

5 This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
 and beyond cure.   Who can understand it?  ~ Jeremiah 17:5-9

The Lord God says not to trust in man.  After all, what man can understand the heart?  Instead, trust in God.

Then check this out – this is the very next verse!

“I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.”  ~ Jeremiah 17:10

The argument that Sally’s heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure does *not* merit Jimmy’s judging it.  The point of the verse is *not* to have another person’s deceitful heart judge yours.  It is *not* to rely on man.

Instead, it is that the Lord searches our hearts.  It is to trust in the Lord!

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.  ~ Psalm 139:23-24

Our heart is deceitful, so GOD is the one who searches the heart!  His is not deceitful.  It is only from a pure perspective – and He’s the only one with a pure perspective! – that our hearts can be accurately perceived.

Question: What are some other reasons why we shouldn’t defend judging another person with ‘but your heart is deceitful’?

Why we’re called Christians – and not Godians!

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Matthew 7:1-2 is fascinating to look at in the Greek. I’ve color coded below the words that are the same. The ones that begin with κρί are judge or judging. The ones that begin with μέτρ refer to a measure.

1 Μὴ κρίνετε, ἵνα μὴ κριθῆτε· 2 ἐν ᾧ γὰρ κρίματι κρίνετε κριθήσεσθε, καὶ ἐν ᾧ μέτρῳ μετρεῖτε μετρηθήσεται ὑμῖν.

In these two verses, judge is used five times – three right in a row. Measure is used three times – all right in a row. The only other words in these sentences are ‘little’ words like modifiers or conjunctions – not, so that, for, in what, and, and to you. So it seems that either Matthew temporarily had a vocabulary shortage, or he’s really hitting this subject hard!

These two verses with all their repetitious words translate

Do not judge, that you will not be judged. For by what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and by what measure you measure, it will be measured to you.

Boy, he really hammers it!

Our previous posts have explored some of the poignancy of this passage and why he really hammers it. They are challenging!

I came across a commentary that really seems to capture the reason for such intensity about judging. Warning: read at your own risk!

…such persons [who judge] take upon them the place of God, usurp his prerogative, as if they knew the hearts and states of men; and therefore will have judgment without mercy at the hands of God. (from Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible)

Um… yikes. {swallow}

I think I need to read that again to really get it:

…such persons [who judge] take upon them the place of God, usurp his prerogative, as if they knew the hearts and states of men; and therefore will have judgment without mercy at the hands of God.

Not even Christ came to judge the world! After the ever-popular John 3:16, John furthers that Christ did not come to judge the world, but that through Him we might be saved! Here it is in the Greek:

οὐ γὰρ ἀπέστειλεν ὁ θεὸς τὸν υἱὸν αὐτοῦ εἰς τὸν κόσμον ἵνα κρίνῃ τὸν κόσμον ἀλλ᾽ ἵνα σωθῇ ὁ κόσμος δι᾽ αὐτοῦ

The translation is

For God did not send his Son into the world in order that He may judge the world, but in order that the world may be saved through Him.

I’m sure you caught the κρί in the verb. It’s the same word for ‘judge’ that we’re talking about in Matthew 7:1-2.

So if God did not send His perfect Son to judge, then, um, do we really think He sent us to judge? If Christ didn’t even climb in the judge’s seat on earth, what in the world would we be doing there?

We’re called Christians, right? Not Godians. : ) And for good reason! We are to be like Christ – and not like God (the Father). We are to be like Christ – not sent to judge the world. We’re *not* to be like God – taking His place as if we knew the hearts and states of men.

I vote we evade the ‘judgment without mercy at the hands of God.’ I vote we love and coach each other towards Christ-likeness – without judging the hearts of men.

Are you in?

Opining folly

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I hope you enjoyed our Tale of Three Kings discussion!  Before I exposed my sucker-ness for free things : ), we were getting ready to launch into a spicy part of thinking things that are Philippians 4:8 lovely:

Now as we’re talking about keeping from becoming critical, it almost feels like there is an elephant in the room.  You know, the big Christian elephant.  The one that everyone wonders:  Why are Christians so judgmental?

Since having lovely thoughts includes not setting our minds on criticism, since judgmental thoughts are, well, critical, and since Christians are so well known for being judgmental, I think it’s important we dig into this… and dig into it well.

I want to begin our discussion with a perhaps controversial statement.  Are you ready?  Here we go:

Christians have too many opinions.

Yes.  Total folly.

Yet another Christian with yet another opinion.

… about opining nonetheless!

But I think we can do better.

Maybe I’m the only Christian who, as I’ve learned new truths of Scripture, has gone through seasons where my application of those truths has been more judgmental than helpful, and more destructive than what Christ intends for our hearts.  Maybe it’s just me.

And maybe I’m the only one who has experienced the destructive effects of others’ judging.  Maybe I’m the only one who has gone through seasons where the Lord has repeatedly allowed the painful impacts of opining.  Maybe it’s just me.

If it is, then these posts will at least help me sort through all of that.

But maybe – just maybe - they can be helpful for all of us.

Maybe they could really enliven our relationships so that our lives and interactions are filled with grace, care, and love infused into the truths that matter.

I think we can do better.

And I think we’ll enjoy the result.