Category Archives: is it noble?

Mind the Gap

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I was talking to a friend of mine who does websites for churches.  I shared the concept of my blog, and he suggested a talk by Andy Stanley.  It’s only fitting that it’s all about apps! : )

The talk is #5  in the Life Apps series.  It’s all about trust.

Andy’s take on this whole conflict thing seems to align pretty swimmingly with our take here at {double hockey sticks}.  I just love his angle on it!  I highly recommend listening to the talk - or even better, watching it!  He uses a simple illustration that is fantastic.  Here’s what I just love…

He offers a fairly simple – yet oddly profound – breakdown:

In every relationship, there are expectations…And then there is what we actually experience.

Here is what you said you would do…

Here is what happened…

Now here is the interesting part.  What happens when there is a gap?  What happens when what we expect and what actually happens are different?

When there is a gap, we choose what goes in the gap.

*We* are in charge of that.  *They* don’t control what goes in the gap.  *We* do.

Why?

Andy launches from some of the beloved wedding verses about loving one another.  His take:

Love gives the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Love looks for the most generous explanation for the other person’s behavior.

Here at {double hockey sticks}, we advocate it’s because it is our responsibility as believers to take captive our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ.  It is our responsibility to think things that are true and noble.  So we start with what is true – actually, factually true.  We start with what factually they said they would do… and what *factually* happened.  Factually what is true.  Not our opinion or our interpretation of their motives or our false attribution error of what happened.  The actual, factual, unopinionated version of what happened.

Then what do we do with the gap?

It is within your power to choose what goes in the gap.

We think things that are noble.  We assume there is a noble explanation.  We choose to believe the best.

We are in charge of what goes in that gap.

No matter how bad it is, no matter how wide the gap is, and no matter how consistently there is a gap, you. choose. what. goes. in. the. gap.

So we start with what is true of our expectations and experience (actually, factually true!), then we believe the best by thinking things that are noble to fill in any gaps.

This is, by the way, a great model for more than our thought life – it is a great model for ‘confrontation’ as well.  I put it in quotes, because it is my experience that most ‘confrontation’ doesn’t have to be ‘confrontational.’

Can I tell you the sweetest story from my husband’s childhood to demonstrate?

So my husband is out playing with some friends.  His mom calls him in for dinner.  What is a good kid to do? Well, obey their mom and come in for dinner.

But Dave doesn’t come in.  He continues hanging out with his friends.

Hmmmm…

You see the paradigm playing out here?

  • EXPECTATION: son comes in when mom calls him for dinner
  • EXPERIENCE: son continued talking to his friends

Both very factual, right?

Now what goes in the gap?

Possibilities of course include disobedience.  But my husband is a saint.  I’m serious : )  So my mother-in-law chose to believe the best.  She chose to assume positive intent.  She chose to think things that were noble.

And can I tell you – boy, was she right?

So Dave comes in, and for the sake of the story, let’s say she knows the future and follows Andy’s outline. : )  So she ‘confronts’ (not really, more ‘asks lovingly’)…

MOM: Dave, when I call you to come in for dinner, I expect you to come in.  But this time you didn’t.  Can you tell me about what happened?

And Dave responds, (are you ready for this?)

SON: I was in the middle of sharing the gospel with them.

{insert a bit of stun}  Yes, I told you the man is a saint : )

Sometimes there is a pretty decent explanation for why there is a gap between expectations and experience.  And may I be so bold as to say that we keep from sinning when we think nobly about what should go in that gap.

So let’s mind the gap.  Nobly! : )

{ There are more goodies in the talk.  I don’t want to spill *all* of them! : ) }

Trayvon and Zimmerman: Crosshairs or the Cross?

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As people rally around Trayvon’s family, I am moved by all the support.

Support I love.  Support in grief is invaluable.

But part of me is deeply, deeply concerned.

As I hear so many things espoused in this intense situation, I can’t help but think of Philippians 4:8 – to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.

Now whether or not Zimmerman did that is one issue.

But that’s not the issue we answer for.

We answer for our thoughts.  We answer for whether or not we are thinking things that are true – actually, factually true.  Noble.  And pure.

All of our thoughts.  Including our thoughts about George.

Now I know this may sound extreme.  But negatively defining a person by telling them what they are, what they think, and what their motives are is a pretty intense thing.  It’s actually called verbal abuse.

Now what Zimmerman did or did not do, again, is his.  But what we do is ours before the Lord.

So should we be negatively defining his motives as racism?

Now I’m not trying to defend the guy.  I’m not saying he’s for sure not a racist.  As far as I am aware, the actual, factual truths include this: George is a Hispanic man who has black family members, black friends, and tutors students of all races, including blacks.   He may indeed, in the midst of all of that, have some sort of racist something in him.  Anything is possible.  But given his life – given the actual, factual truths (and not my emotions) – it seems like there could at least be a sliver of a possibility that he is not racist.

If I stand before the Lord and call this man a racist, and the Lord instead finds a man who reached out to people of other races, what does that make me?  Yikes.  I’m more than wrong.  At best I am an abuser.  A sinning abuser.  And at worst?  Well, there is a bounty on his head.

We may never be sure exactly what happened and exactly what the motives were.  But what is for sure is our Lord.  And what is for sure is His command to us.  He tells us to think things that are true – actually, factually true.  And he tells us to think things that are noble – what is a possible noble explanation?

Not thinking so is sin.

What is ours to answer is not whether Zimmerman had pure thoughts.  What is ours to answer before the Lord is whether we have pure, noble thoughts.

Will our reasoning be correct?

Never violate the principles of God in order to gain or maintain the blessing of God. ~ Charles Stanley

We mustn’t circumvent God’s principles in order to arrive at our conclusion.  Is racism wrong?  Absolutely.  I believe racism so saddens the One who created every person on this planet – including both Trayvon and George.  Is George Zimmerman a racist?  Our job is to follow God’s principles as we consider this man He created.  Our job is to view others through the cross – not crosshairs!  We must be careful not to violate the principles of God to get to a blessed conclusion.

I am so saddened about Trayvon’s death and for his family.

But I also have great concern that in our emotion, we still honor our Lord and His desires for every step of our hearts and minds.

The Honourable Thought now presiding

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We’re in the process of exploring how to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ using Philippians 4:8:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

We’ve camped on ‘true’ for quite a while – it’s good stuff!  Truth is a hallmark of Christ and an easy distinguishing feature of whether or not something is of Him and His kingdom. (As a quick reminder, we’re exploring these words to help align our minds to the Lord’s, which is a great first step as we seek to be wise about what we confront in others.) 

‘Noble’ is up next.

It’s not used very much in the New Testament.  Except for its use here in Philippians 4:8, it is only used three other times.  In all three instances (1 Timothy 3:8, 11; Titus 2:2) it sets the bar that deacons, their wives, and older men should be worthy of respect.  They should be honorable and dignified.

Outside of the New Testament, ‘noble,’ or σεμνός, was used in Greek as an epithet.  Good ol’ dictionary.com gives us this example of an epithet:

any word or phrase applied to a person or thing to describe an actual or attributed quality: “Richard the Lion-Hearted” is an epithet of Richard I.  

So if we were to use σεμνός as an epithet in Greek, it would be like saying Richard the Noble, or Richard the Honorable.

It’s a word of honor and dignity.  It indicates – and can inspire – respect.

We kind of use this today… like when a judge enters the courtroom.  The bailiff beckons, “All rise.”  Then he announces, “The Honorable Judge Richard presiding,” and in walks the judge.

Can we be silly for just a minute?  If we apply this to our thoughts, it’s basically like someone announcing,

“All rise!  The honorable [insert your name]’s thought presiding.”

And in walks your thought to preside in your mind. 

It walks in {hopefully!} characterized by honor, respect, and dignity.  It is {hopefully!} honorable and noble.

Thoughts now in session : )