Category Archives: persevering

How I lost my passion for evangelism… and kissing

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I used to wonder if I could talk about anything else.

Every conversation seemed to turn into talking about the gospel.

It didn’t matter if I was at the grocery or shopping or working at a consulting firm, every conversation somehow ended up at Jesus.

pucker up

It was fun.

I wondered at times if I was some sort of weird nut.   Surely there were other topics of conversation out there!  But I loved this one.  And the Lord seemed to honor that.

Several years ago, I remember thinking back to those days and just wondering.  Do I chalk that up to the first few years of being a believer?  Do I chalk that up to being in the secular world and not the church world?  Maybe now I’m just more in a season of discipling believers?  I still know it’s important, but I sure don’t feel like doing it.

One day in the car, I was really wrestling about it with the Lord.  I remember sitting at an intersection when my frustration became clear.  Christ was worth it.  Christ is worth sharing.  That I believed.  But I wasn’t so sure I wanted to invite people into His kingdom.

It broke my heart, but it was the truth.

I had this disturbing conflict. I knew that loving the Lord had great gifts and advantages. I knew Christ was amazing.  And I knew eternal destiny was important and powerful.

But being part of His kingdom was so unhealthily hurtful.  I was so grieved by the treatment in the kingdom, I just couldn’t bring myself to invite others into that devastation.  I didn’t want others to come into the kingdom and treat me like I was being treated by so many other Christians.  It was destroying me, and I didn’t want to expose them to it.  I didn’t want them to get hurled at.  And I didn’t want them to join the hurling.

I had undergone so much hurt in the Body.  At the time, I couldn’t figure out why, and I wasn’t having any luck finding someone to help me figure out what to do about it.  I knew Christ offered life, but this just couldn’t be it.  There was no way this was the ‘life abundant’ He offers.

So many days I remember driving away from church thinking I was never darkening its doors again.  Any doors.  Of any church.  Ever again. I didn’t even want to be a part.  I certainly couldn’t bring myself to invite others into it.

So here I was at this intersection asking the Lord if it could just be Him and me.  I loved Him dearly.  But I just couldn’t handle the hurt of the church.

I remember His response clearly,

“I wasn’t decapitated.”

I chuckled a little in my pain.  Yes, good point.  Christ was crucified, not beheaded.  The Head of the church wasn’t separated from the Body.  I can’t have just the head.  I can’t run around like Herodias’ daughter.  It’s the whole kit and caboodle.

I asked the Lord to show me how.  How in the world was I supposed to invite people to be a part of this Body that was so incredibly hurtful?  How was I supposed to invite people to be a part of something I was asking Him to take me out of and take me home?

His answer, for me, was through helping me understand the precise thing that was causing my pain.  For me, the destruction, the hurtful relationships, the distrust, the feelings of betrayal, the health problems all boiled down to persecution — a specific type of persecution and how I was (or more accurately, wasn’t) responding.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”   ~ Matthew 5:11-12

I tried to do what people were encouraging me to do ~ to have an eternal perspective.   Persecution on earth yields great reward in heaven.

Yet I am now unconvinced for me and my situation, that the most godly perspective was simply to endure with an eternal perspective.  As the Lord was gracious to show me with the ‘they’ who persecuted Jesus, I also suggest that the ‘they’ who persecuted the prophets is the same: unbelievers.  I do not believe enduring persecution at the hands of believers is the godly, eternal, eternally rewarding perspective.

I was so struck reading this in context recently.  The very next verse says,

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”

The verse about salting the earth is right after the verses about being persecuted and people saying false things about you.  It can deaden you.  It can make you flavorless.  It can sure take the saltiness out of you.  It was very intriguing to me as it resonated with my seasons of feeling thrown out and trampled by men.

I’m going to admittedly make a leap here.  While I can’t be sure the text says this exactly, I also am not unconvinced it can’t mean this: How we respond to the false things people say about us can greatly affect our saltiness.  It can greatly affect our usefulness for the kingdom.

With unbelievers, enduring persecution  may be just the thing the Lord wants for us, for our reward, and for His glory.

But after a lot of wrestling, a lot of time, several battles, and some wise people along the way, I believe the Lord is gracious to show me that persecution at the hands of believers is a whole different ballgame.

If you’ve been following {double hockey sticks}, you’re well aware that I slowly came to understand a concept that I used to call ‘imposing sinful motives.’  When I would do some benign action, as best as I can describe it, it felt like some people had a handful of sinful motives in their back pocket, and they would pull one out and say (I’m making this example up), “Your working late was completely self-serving.  You are simply trying to get ahead and get promoted.”  And I would sit there totally perplexed.  I stayed late because someone needed help, and I thought I’d help them.  I couldn’t figure out where people came up with such ‘creative’ explanations.

One or two here or there may be tolerable (though I don’t even advise tolerating one or two).  But consistently from a person, people, or a community?  I thought I could handle it, and I actually thought I handled them pretty well.  But I had no idea what it was really doing to me.

I had no idea the way the enemy (or my sin nature or some combination) was using it to gain a foothold.  I thought I was fine.  I thought listening to these things was selfless.  I thought not considering myself and hearing them out and seeking to understand was the honorable thing to do.  I thought defending myself was some sort of selfishness or unteachability.  (That’s what I was taught, so I guess I wasn’t so unteachable after all! : ))

This ‘imposing sinful motives’ is described in the clinical world as presuming to know a person’s thoughts and motives and negatively characterizing them.  It is defined with a hefty term: verbal abuse.  To me, it sounded very overstated.  It took me a long time to accept that the term could apply, it took me a long time to then accept that it did apply, it took me a long time to be willing to allude to it, it took me a long time to be willing to write it, and it took me a long time to be willing to speak it.

Now that I understand it, now that I see its veracity in Scripture, and now that I understand the effects its had on me, on my life, on my relationship with the Lord (whom I love dearly!), and on my relationship with my husband (whom I also love dearly), I now completely embrace that it is called abuse for good reason.

Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.  ~ C.S. Lewis

The Lord has used some things to help capture my attention about its intensity. The breadth and depth of what was, for me, ongoing unrecognized abuse continues to surprise me.  My internal turmoil about sharing the gospel was certainly one of the things affected.  Major health issues were another.  And – is this TMI? – not wanting to *really* kiss my husband was another.  Though he has always been incredibly supportive and never verbally abusive, as best as I can now understand, there was something about being hurt by the mouths of others that made kissing feel intolerably invasive to me.  Even when it was by someone who loved me and didn’t hurt me.

Many aspects of my life – including my saltiness – were greatly affected.  I had to learn to protect it.  For me, that came with how I responded to persecution.

After identifying and understanding that some of the things being said to me were unacceptable to the Lord, I also had to realize that ‘hearing people out’ was *not* the selfless, godly response.

“We are to develop our lives, abilities, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.  Our spiritual and emotional growth is God’s ‘interest’ on his investment in us.  When we say no to people and activities that are hurtful to us, we are protecting God’s investment.  As you can see, there’s quite a difference between selfishness and stewardship.”  ~ Boundaries

Godly selflessness isn’t deferring to the other person. It isn’t absence of self.  Instead, we are actually called to be stewards of ourselves.  Protecting ourselves is stewardship, not selfishness.

The Lord used my health issues to practically force me to take care of myself.  It felt so awkward.  I care for others – that’s what I do.  Yet here I was, day after day, having to focus on myself.  So uncomfortable!

Yet it forced me to get past what I considered as ‘selfishness’ in caring for myself.  It forced me to value caring for myself as stewardship.  And that led me to expect different treatment from fellow believers.  I now believe we are called to call other believers to treat us as the Lord would have us be treated.

As I’ve learned to gain awareness about what is actually destructive feedback (though it may sound godly) and protected myself from it, I am blessed by how much the Lord has healed me.  Though I would love to never have to be in a verbally abusive situation again, each instance has been an opportunity to be a steward of the investment the Lord has entrusted to me.  Each time I have protected the self He gave me, it strengthens me.  Each time I interrupt the negative character speculations, it energizes me.  Each time I stop the abuse, it enlivens me.  And each time the Lord challenges me to value the woman He has called me to be, it heals me.

As He heals me, His godly desires in me are returning.  All of them.

(And that makes for a very happy husband!)

I want to be a wide receiver

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I told my husband I want to be a wide receiver.

He had mixed reactions.

He loves football.  LOVES football.

But I’m not the greatest catcher ever.

Translation:  I can’t catch.  At all.

Hmmm…  perhaps therein lies my problem.

wide reciever

It was one of those 4 word days.  I don’t know what the deal is with me and 4 words, but I sure stumble on them a lot!

I was in Matthew, and this was the sentence:

Freely you have received, freely give.

As I started journaling about Jesus’ words, I realized I was changing them just a little.  God freely gives:

We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. ~ 1 Corinthians 2:12

…to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ~ Ephesians 1:6

That part I get.  God gives freely.

But that’s not the emphasis of this verse.  This verse has 4 important words:

Freely you have received.

God freely gives… but it goes further.  Am I receiving them?

Am I opening myself up to fully receive all that the Lord freely gives?

Am I embracing, living, and experiencing the fullness of his gifts?

Let’s take peace for example.

God gives peace.  Freely.  Undeservedly.  Completely.

He gives it.

But have I fully received it?

I desire to embrace it.

Dwell in it.

Live in it.

Enjoy it.

Delight in it.

Love it.

Be it.

His offer of peace is always there.  Yet sometimes I forget to receive it.

Or I receive it in morsels.  Like a little Nerds piece of candy.

But God is a God of lavish abundance.  He isn’t just handing out one little Nerd.  He’s doling out peace in lavish abundance.  His peace ~ the peace of the almighty, eternal, everlasting God.  The peace that lives fully inside us through the Holy Spirit.  The complete peace of Christ.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  ~ John 14:27

Sometimes I forget this.  Sometimes I forget to open myself to His lavish abundance and fully embrace and receive His everlasting peace.  Sometimes I forget to be a wide receiver.

Yet there is so much joy in being intentional to receive widely!

1 ~ We get the fullness of the gift. 

This is perhaps the most obvious.  Receive widely, and you get the fullness of the gift.

Let’s take love as an example.  God loves you.  That’s a simple truth, right?  We’re not talking here about knowing the truths.  We’re talking about owning them and experiencing in your core the lavish abundance of love that God has given you.  Fully experiencing it.  Fully receiving it.  Resting in it.  Imagining His saying to you that He loves you.  That you are precious to Him.  Receiving His love.  Filling your core with its fullness.  Dwelling in it.  Experiencing it.  Enjoying it.

That’s the abundance of being a wide receiver.

2 ~ We get to play an important role.

According to good ol’ Wikipedia,

“A wide receiver is an offensive position in American and Canadian football, and is the key player in most of the passing plays.”

A wide receiver is the key player in many offensive moves.  He – or she! – is key in advancing the team towards the goal line.

What is true here in American and Canadian football also happens to be true in the kingdom of God!

Being a wide receiver of the gifts, blessings, and abundance God so freely offers fills you with the Lord.  It enlivens the Holy Spirit inside of you.  You become more fully alive – more fully alive of the Lord, in the Lord… and for the Lord!  You become a key player.

All by receiving widely all He has to offer.

His Word.

His Truth.

His salvation.

His peace.

His love.

His joy.

…just to name a few.

That’s the usefulness of being a wide receiver.

3 ~ We get to give freely!

After I get past those 4 words, I get to the rest of the sentence:

Freely you have received, freely give.

We give freely because we have received freely. When we receive freely, it is easy to give freely. It’s almost natural. It oozes. There is a momentum to pay it forward.

Jumping to the ‘freely give’ too quickly can sometimes make it hard, exhausting, or simply worldly.  But as we receive God’s abundant goodness freely, oh we are enlivened to give freely!

If you’re struggling to give or feeling not generous, that may be guidance from the Lord on the direction He wants you to go.  Yet it may also be a result of not freely receiving.  It may not be about beating ourselves up that we’re selfish or not generous or whatever.  The true root may be that we’re not fully experiencing all the Lord has to give.

When we receive freely, we are poised to give freely.  We get to experience the joy of giving.  Its life.  Its vitality.  Its blessing when it’s truly a response to receiving the lavishness of the Lord.

That’s the overflow of being  a wide receiver.

What would you like to be intentional to receive more fully?

I invite you to choose something today that the Lord gives that you’d like to receive more fully.  His peace.  Grace.  Joy.  Love.  The presence of His Holy Spirit.

This isn’t about beating yourself up.  Sure, confess that you haven’t fully embraced what the Lord gives.  Confess that He gives freely, yet you perhaps have not been receiving freely.  Then be free.  Receive it.  Catch it.  Reach out, and take it with your hand.  Lay hold of it.  Experience it.  Enjoy it.

If you’ve been in a difficult place in life, in the midst of conflict, in abusive situations, in places where you’ve needed to protect yourself, if you’ve been hurt by someone you trusted, this can be hard.

And I am so sorry for that.

We can get in a mode of protecting ourselves, kind of hunched with our hands up to block.  We can sometimes forget that while it is good to keep the bad out, we’ve got to open ourselves wide to let the good in.

Yet I encourage you: Try today.  Choose something you’d like to reach out and receive that the Lord gives.  Try to peel back that protective layer around your heart, ask Him to help you do it, and invite Him and His gift in.  He is all good.  And He desires to fill you full with His love.

Experience it today.  Let it nourish and strengthen you.  Enjoy the journey as it becomes fully alive in you.

God gives.  So much.

What will you widely receive?

photo credit: Erik Daniel Drost

Getting Unstuck

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I just felt stuck.

I’d felt like I’d been treading water for a really long time.

I could talk myself into the value of treading water sometimes: Even though you don’t feel like you’re going anywhere, you are getting stronger, and that’s valuable for when you do go somewhere.  That mindset worked for a while.

what to do

Or maybe treading water is exactly what the Lord wants for you for right now.

That worked for a season.  I could find a silver lining and distract myself pretty well at times.  Other times, a creative idea would sustain me for a bit.  I applied every Bible verse I could think to apply, and I’d sought the Lord as much as I could.  But I just couldn’t shake this feeling of being stuck.

I was out of ideas.

On a whim one night, I went to the place that is never out of ideas!  Good ol’ Google.  I came across an idea that suggested if you’re feeling stuck to brainstorm 100 ways to get unstuck.  100.  They don’t have to be practical – this is a brainstorm, after all.  But the goal is 100.

I was a little skeptical.  For someone who felt stuck, coming up with 100 ways to get unstuck seemed nearly impossible.

But I like a challenge.  So I thought I’d give it a shot.

‘Move’ came to mind first.  I’m not really sure why I would do that.  We have some great friends and family in our area, I love our church community, and I believe the Lord called me to DC.  But it’s an idea.  And this is a brainstorm.   So I wrote it down.

‘Hire a coach’ came to mind next.  My friend had just introduced me to a woman her husband had been working with.  To frugal me, it felt expensive, so I’d ruled it out.  But it’s an idea. And this is a brainstorm.  So I wrote it down.

I wrote down a dozen or so more ideas.  Some were minor tweak ideas.  Some were major change ideas.

I got up to #17, and I just kind of stopped.  The Lord kept nudging me.  ‘Hire a coach.’  I kept trying to brainstorm, but I just couldn’t.  I am often full of ideas and possibilities.  My husband teases me that I start every sentence with, “ I have an idea.”  Yet the thing that kept repeating in my mind was, ‘Hire a coach.’  I tried to tell the Lord that it was expensive, but He reminded me that he owns all the cattle on the hills.  And that His precious daughter is valuable.  That His precious daughter’s life is worth an investment.

Hmm…. ‘Hire a coach.’

I talked with my husband about the idea, not being sure how he’d respond.  It was expensive (to frugal me!), and I wasn’t really sure where the investment was headed.  But he was unflinchingly supportive.

So I reached out to her.

And…

Wow.

Mostly she listened.  Often to things I didn’t really even know I had to say.  A lot of that is because she asks great questions.  She’s gifted in helping people get unstuck.  In going deep to jostle what is causing the ‘stuckness.’  And in looking brightly ahead to what the future holds.

At times it felt a smidge like counseling.  At times like a trusted friend.  At times like a career adviser who is farther down the road and advising on next steps.  And at times, like an encyclopedia of resources that can help guide in every situation.

But mostly, it felt like a breath of fresh air.  She offered next steps and advice and insights and reflective listening and feedback that were so perfectly placed and timed and wise.  Sometimes like a challenge I needed to hear.  Sometimes I was delighted by how overwhelmingly affirming it was.  Other times, I felt very wisely, lovingly, and carefully convicted.

I started to feel free again.  Like life had possibility again.  Eventually, I started to feel like there were opportunities to pursue.  Connections to be made.  People to meet.  Possibility to be had.  And I felt like, just maybe, I was starting to get unstuck.

I had the opportunity to interview my coach recently for a project I was working on, where *I* got to listen to *her*for an hour.  It was fascinating to me to uncover the wealth of resources she draws upon and to glimpse why she was so valuable in helping me become unstuck.  And this was a snapshot of just one hour!  You can read the summary here.

For me, a brainstorming challenge, seeking the Lord, and hiring a coach catalyzed a lot of my ‘unstuckness.’ : )  It started to bring life back to life.  And I like that.

What has it been for you?  What have you done to help you become unstuck – or keep you from getting stuck?

Will you be my Valentine?

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I was the kind of kid who sent a Valentine’s card to everyone.

You know in grade school, when we’d decorate our brown paper bags and staple them to the strip on the wall. Then classmates could drop one of those perforated character Valentine’s from the grocery store in them.  Then you get to collect your cards and read them.

hoolovesyouvdaycraftWell, I was one of those people who loved everyone.  And I didn’t want to leave anyone out.  So I gave a card to everyone.  Not just everyone in the class, but pretty much everyone I knew.

There may be something sweet about that.  And there can be something sweet about that.  But I think I’m learning late in life a lesson a lot of people learn a lot earlier.  I was just kind of always friends with everyone.  I had an amazing core group, and I’m learning it just so happened that the people who were in my classes and in the activities I was involved with are some of the most amazing people I know.  Diverse.  Varied opinions, beliefs, political convictions, personal orientations, desires in life, style.  And just amazing.  Friendships with amazing people just sort of naturally happened.

So I kind of think I thought everyone was amazing.  My dad used to warn me that I am way too trusting of people.  I have this sort of ‘trust everyone’ syndrome.  It worked for much of my life.  After all, love trusts, right?  And if you love people, you trust them, right?  I even got to where I could biblically defend my ‘trust everyone’ mindset.

Yet there is also a reality that Jesus had an inner circle – guys he invest in and could at least hope to count on!

One of my dear friends and inspiring walking buddies enlightened what for me was a sage perspective.  She’s one of those people that when we get together and walk, sometimes 3 hours later my husband will come driving around the neighborhood looking for us to be sure we’re ok!  We just walk and walk and talk, and the time just flies.  She’s a great listener with great wisdom, and I am blessed to call her a friend.

She shared something valuable with me as I started to realize this ‘friends with everyone’ thing wasn’t working so well anymore more.

“In my later years, I’ve started to think about friendships a bit differently.  I used to think more about believers and outreach – spending time with believers and spending time outreaching in the community.  Yet recently, I think a bit differently.  I consider which relationships support me and which ones take energy to invest in.”

This was interesting to me.  It was a different take on the concept of connecting with others and reaching out to others.

“Sometimes believers support me – it’s more of a reciprocal relationship.  And sometimes believers take energy.  Sometimes nonbelievers take energy to invest in them.  And sometimes they are delightfully energizing relationships.”

True, right?  Not all believers leave you feeling built up in the Body.  And not all unbelievers leave you feeling like you’ve just engaged in spiritual battle.   Some believers feel more like outreach, and some not yet believers feel more like energy, love, and care for your soul.

Paying attention to that has been so valuable for me.  Working in ministry, I get used to the dynamic that I pour into people.  That’s what we do.  I don’t think about myself.  Now that may sound godly, but strengths taken to an extreme are weaknesses, and I applied that to a fault.  True relationships, true friendship, have a give-and-take reciprocal relationship.  It isn’t selfish or wrong of me to want to get something out of the relationship.  It is wise of me to consider if this is a reciprocal relationship or an investment-only relationship.  Do I feel like I also sometimes get something out of this relationship, or am I only serving?  Because if my life is filled with investment-only relationships, I end up drained, depleted, and unsupported.  It may take years or decades to get there.

Yes, we are called to invest in others.  Yes, there is value in reaching out to those who have nothing to give back.  Yes, there is value in spending time with both believers and unbelievers who feel more like an investment-only relationship.

Yet not if that is the entirety of my time.

And not if that is my inner circle.

My inner circle should be mostly reciprocal over time.  It is not selfish or wrong to desire to benefit from a relationship.  We are certainly not talking about extremes here where the relationship is entirely for my benefit, but instead taking a pulse check on occasion that the people I have in my inner circle are people who build me up, people who energize me, and people who I feel like I benefit from being around.

For some of y’all, this is crazy obvious.  For others – like me! – it can feel selfish or self-centered.  Part of my eye-opening was just sheer, utter depletion.  Part of my eye-opening was relationships where I felt like I was giving more than all I could give and the other person still wasn’t happy.  I had to figure out something different.  And part of my eye opening was understanding assertiveness.  Perhaps oversimplified,

  • Assertiveness is considering yourself and the other person.  It is self-respect balanced with respect for others.  Even Christ had a will: “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39).   He had a desire and expressed it, yet was willing to do God’s will.  Even the most sacrificial Christ was assertive.
  • Passiveness is not considering yourself and simply doing whatever the other person wants.  It is pleasing others at the cost of caring for yourself.  It is believing others needs are more important than your own – always, to a fault.  It is having a hard time balancing this verse: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Not more than yourself.  Not without considering  yourself.  Not simply, “Love your neighbor.”  But “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  It sounds godly and can feel godly to ‘forget’ the ‘as yourself,’ yet the Lord put it there for a reason!
  • Aggressiveness is only considering yourself.

Echoing one of Maxwell’s leadership principles, it is important that your inner circle people are adders or multipliers; they add value to *you*.  For those (like me) who might be concerned this is selfish, I would add from experience: it is valuable to invest in others, be available to others, and reach out to others, but your inner circle is different.  To lift others up well, you must “look for only lifters for your inner circle.” (Yes, there are seasons when reciprocal relationships enter into a kind of investment-only period.  I’m talking about in general in your life, are you always pouring out for others, or do you also have places and people who energize and add value to you?)

It’s so funny.  I did this pursuing a spouse – I was intentional about whom I wanted to marry and carefully considered the qualities and character he must have.  And then I simply love everyone else!  And yes, that is valuable, and I love that I love people.  Yet it’s kind of crazy to think about – that I am so intentional about one, then so all-endearing with everyone else.  So I’m getting better – I’m being more intentional about who energizes me, and like choosing a spouse, more intentional about who is in my inner circle.

And it’s energizing.  It used to be that when I had a free moment or afternoon, I’d think, “Who needs something?  Whom can I help?”  And there is value in that.  But I swung the pendulum too far.  It’s not *all* about *always* caring for others and praying for them and investing in them.

For me, it’s the little things, too.  Take Facebook posts!  Some are more consistently complain-y than is energizing for me.  I used to think, “Oh, I need to be aware of what is going on in their lives so I can pray for them.”  And that may be true – the Lord may ask me to be intentional to invest in their life and lift them up.  But it is also ok if the Lord does not ask that of me for me to hide posts that consistently drain me.  Then checking Facebook on occasion can be a fun pick-me-up, not only a place to care for others.

I have reluctantly come to accept this: The whole airplane face mask analogy exists for a reason.  I’ve got to take care of myself, too.  I’ve got to have a valuable, energizing inner circle.  Caring for myself will help me best care for others. And more intentionally care for others.  And enjoy caring for others.  And enjoy life!

Being intentional to pack energizers – believers and nonbelievers! – in my life has been so valuable.  And some investment-onlys – believers and nonbelievers! – is a gift, too.  They all are valuable.  In balance.  And in the right circle.

photo credit: Contest for Moms

Why I am creating margin

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I am an efficiency and productivity nut.

Part of it is that I simply love to accomplish things.  Part of it is the strategy of trying to squeeze it all in.  And part of it is that I usually have more ideas than can realistically fit into a lifetime… and I love trying them all!

hurry-man

It’s fun at times.  I like to keep hoppin’.

But something a wise woman said the other day really struck me.

And it’s kind of stuck with me.

And I can’t really shake it.

Susan is my coach.  She is amazing. She was talking with me the other day about creating margin.

I like that phrase: creating margin.

Margins are important.  They frame things.  They give room for important notes.  They makes things more appealing.  They serve a purpose.  And they have value.

For example, Susan gets up three hours before she needs to be anywhere.  Yikes, right?  I usually time it right down to the wire… and then end up a few minutes late! : )

Susan does it differently.  She paces herself, allows herself not be hurried, and create margin in her life.  It reduces stress, allows her more time for people, and enables more peaceful living.

That sounds nice and all, but I must admit, it’s still tempting to give heed to my efficiency and productivity.

Until she said this…

Susan believes creating margin enables her to better hear the Lord and be led by the Spirit.  Responding to God’s gentle whispers, trusting, and being obedient results in an abundant life of freedom:

“When I do respond, I experience his fullness of what He’s willing to do in me and other people.  That is the abundance path.  I am ministered to, given the experience of joy, integrity, strength, and other people are experiencing it.   Freedom is occurring.  My experiences have given me that desire to be led by the Spirit and continually keep my life set up in a way that I can hear and respond.”

Wow, right?

Crazy powerful.

It’s not just slowing down to slow down.  It’s not just reducing stress or whatever.  It’s creating margin in life to better hear the Lord, be led by the Spirit, respond to His whispers, follow the abundant path, experience joy, strength, and freedom, and share that with others.

That’s compelling to me.  A free and abundant life simply by creating margin!  (and then of course praying for the courage to respond!)

Another benefit of creating margin?  Less conflict.

The other day I was driving somewhere, and I was getting frustrated with the person crossing the street.  And then I was convicted.  It is just a nice person crossing the street!  They aren’t doing anything wrong.  They are crossing the street. And they are perfectly entitled to cross the street.  The problem was that I hadn’t created enough margin.  And the 30 seconds they took to cross the street was making me late.  The conflict wasn’t with them!  The conflict was my stress of not creating margin.

Yet another benefit?  Improving your marriage.  I read someplace before my husband and I got married that married couples should spend 20 hours a week together.  Now that doesn’t include lying in bed sleeping next to each other! : )  That’s 20 hours of awake time together.

Especially when you first get married and are adjusting to living together, there are lots of little things here and there that need to be worked through.  Where will you keep this or that in the kitchen?  How will you roll the toilet paper?  Who will take out the trash?  Where do dirty clothes go?  If life is fast-paced and the only time together is seemingly filled with providing ‘input’ on the tweaks of adjusting to living together, it can quickly feel like time together is nagging or negative… even if you say them nicely!  But lots of quantity time together makes the tweaks a tiny percentage of the relationship and truly less big of a deal.  20 hours together each week allows for relational margin and emotional margin… needed margin for the adjustments of life together!

So I’m working to create margin.  For me, it’s much more enticing than ‘slow down.’  That sounds boring.  But creating margin?  To me, that sounds innovating.  And purposeful.  And valuable.

Less conflict is always a good thing.  Yet I’m especially excited about enabling a pace that allows me to better hear and respond to the Holy Spirit… to the fullness, freedom, and abundance of what He’s willing to do in me and other people.  That’s crazy amazing.  All by creating margin.

QUESTION: What margin are you creating in your life?  Or what margin have you been grateful you’ve created?  Examples in addition to time: (1) Financial margin to reduce stress and enable crazy generous giving as the Lord calls or when an emergency arises  (2) Emotional margin – my friend and her family are moving to create more emotional margin in their lives by providing more space.  (3) Physical margin – like eating well most of the time so you have margin to splurge some of the time.

photo credit: I found this photo on Mark R. Spencer’s blog post, “The difference between being busy and getting hurried.”  It’s fantastic.  He makes three distinctions:  1) Busy-ness is outside our hearts and souls, but hurriedness affects us internally.  2) Hurriedness produces isolation.  3) Hurriedness lacks a sense of accomplishment or completion, but busy-ness mirrors God’s, “It is good.”

Inquiring minds want to know

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My husband had a fun brush with fame at work.

There are two – well, maybe three – TV shows that we like to watch.  And he just so happened to get to talk with the star of one of them!

reporters with questions

He was editing a piece for an anchor of a national news organization.  The anchor’s phone started vibrating with texts.  And then it rang.  The star of one of favorite shows called his anchor buddy to ask about an upcoming interview with a national magazine.  (I feel like I’m on Wheel of Fortune here – you know, when contestants describe where they work with adjectives but can’t say the company’s name?  Awkward, I know. I’m not trying to tease here – just trying to respect people’s privacy!)

The star was talking with the anchor about questions he thought he might get on his stance on homosexuality.  Crazy, right?  While this actor has religious convictions, when I researched trusty ol’ Google, as far as I can tell, he does not have a homo-anything agenda.  He acts.  But I guess inquiring minds want to know.

So they talked a bit, then my husband got to talk with him briefly, which was a treat for him!  Then they hung up.

It got me to thinking… how would I respond if I were he?

Then this morning as I was reading Matthew, it got me thinking about a better question – you know, the ol’ WWJD?

I was again struck by how Jesus answers questions asked of him.  He faced similar situations to our star with others – often Pharisees – inquiring about his stance on things.  Yet Jesus didn’t directly answer the questions of those trying to ‘trap’ him.  He tested them to see if their hearts were truly desiring to understand the gospel or just trying to find something wrong with him.  Take Matthew 21:23-27 as an example.  When Jesus is asked by what authority he does the things that he does, it seems he first tries to discern their intent:

“I will also ask you one question. If you answer me, I will tell you by what authority I am doing these things. John’s baptism—where did it come from? Was it from heaven, or of human origin?”

The chief priests and elders of the people couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer him:

They discussed it among themselves and said, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will ask, ‘Then why didn’t you believe him?’ But if we say, ‘Of human origin’—we are afraid of the people, for they all hold that John was a prophet.”

So they answered Jesus, “We don’t know.”

So neither does Jesus answer them:

Then he said, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things.”

This is just one example, but the pattern is abundant – even with his disciples!  Jesus was careful about with whom he cast his pearls.  Not as a political move to be evasive.  But to help distill the motives of their hearts.  I suppose that could be advantageous for them if you are truly held accountable for what you know.  And it’s valuable of Christ to share precious things with those who desire to care for them.

Back to our actor.  Perhaps reporters are genuinely seeking to better understand the things of God.  Or perhaps they are simply trying to get a juicy tidbit or sort of trap someone.  Discerning if answering a question is a wise place to cast his pearls is what Jesus was great at, so we tried to follow his example in brainstorming how this would look in responding to reporters.

Remember – the issue at stake is not proving that you are willing to be bold for the sake of Christ.  Jesus shared boldly with those truly seeking.  The issue is being wise with the treasures of Christ and sharing them with those who truly desire to understand them.

So without further adieu, these may be a PR nightmare!, but these are some brainstorm responses when reporters ask our actor about homosexuality:

  • “Ultimately, I’m not convinced that it matters a lot what I think about homosexuality.  I think it matters most what God thinks about homosexuality.  And I would encourage those who truly desire to understand God and his desires to seek to understand his heart on this.”
  • “The gospel (or my relationship with Christ) is something that is really precious to me.  I think Christ would be pretty grieved if his death on the cross was so that we could get in debates about issues.  I believe he died on the cross so that we may have full and abundant life in him.”
  • “I would encourage anyone who has an interest in biblical views on topics to look in the Bible.  There’s great stuff in there.  And it’s a valuable experience to come to a conclusion about God’s heart on things wrestling on something with the Lord.  Knowing God’s perspective is much more valuable than knowing mine!”
  • “One of the things that I see Jesus model is that he is careful about with whom he discussed spiritual matters.  Some people asked him questions about spiritual things to try to kind of trap him, or desiring to provoke him to say something controversial.  Those he did not answer.  Others had a genuine heart interest in understanding the things of the Lord and the abundant life God desires for us and offers to us.  Those he spent time with.  I am sure you can appreciate in this media age that since I can’t really connect with the audience who will be reading this, it is hard for me to know if I should share more because people genuinely desire to understand and delight the heart of God, or if someone is simply trying to trap me into saying something controversial for the sake of debate.  I think Christ would be pretty grieved if his death on the cross were so that we could get in debates about issues.  I believe he died on the cross so that we may have full and abundant life in him.  I would encourage anyone who has an interest in biblical views on topics to look in the Bible and seek to understand with others who are desiring to understand the Lord.  It’s a valuable and growing part of a spiritual journey.”

So what do you think? Total PR nightmare?

It was valuable for me to think through this.  I think I used to think that when given the opportunity, we should always proclaim biblical truths boldly.  Yet as I look at what Christ did, it seems that he was more about proclaiming biblical truths wisely.  With those who were just trying to nudge about – or trying to set a trap, he was careful not to throw his pearls there.  Boldly with those truly seeking – yet overall, wisely.

So what is our takeaway?

It seems part of it is to share as Jesus shared – with those truly seeking, and not necessarily with everyone who asks a question.

It seems part of it is a reminder not to judge how famous people who have religious convictions handle interview questions!  If they are asked a question in the media and they choose not to answer it directly, it does not necessarily mean that they are not willing to stand for the truth or that they are unwilling to share the gospel.  It may mean that they are trying to be wise about where to cast their pearls.  It may mean that they are trying as best as they can to be like Jesus.

For me, it was a reminder of a lesson that has taken me way too long to learn: not everyone who inquires truly wants to know.  And this does not just have to pertain to the gospel. That is, not everyone who challenges truly wants to better understand me, my beliefs, and my perspective.  As Proverbs tells us, fools delight in airing their opinion and do not seek understanding.  Sharing my pearls with a fool is not wise.  Whether my pearls are aspects of my religious beliefs or personal stories or personal hurts or processing personal relationships or personal prayers, doing my best to discern whom to trust is wise.  It is being a good steward of the precious things of the Lord – and of the Lord in me!

And it is what Jesus did.

photo credit: Secretary of Defense

when ‘not getting along’ is a good thing

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A purple squirrel.

That’s what my last company called me.

They were looking for someone who had analytical, numbers, detail-orientation as well as big picture, leadership, management orientation. HR told them what they were looking for was a “purple squirrel” ~ that that combination was unusual… that it doesn’t quite exist naturally in nature!

purple-squirrel

I’ve always kind of been this ‘purple squirrel.’ In high school, I was on the math team. Yes, I was a math nerd! And got to hang out with some top quality people on that team. I was also a band nerd… and a chemistry nerd. But I also had this other side: I was a cheerleader and on homecoming court.

I remember one day on the bus to a math competition one of my teammates asked me, “Why are you the only popular person who talks to us?” I was so struck by the question. I had never thought of myself as popular until he asked it. And then I wondered if I was the only popular person who talked to them, or if I was the only nerd who talked to the ‘popular’ people!

I’ve always kind of been this purple squirrel.

When I took my Myers-Briggs, I was told my results indicated I either got along with everyone or no one. Most of my life, I’ve just loved people. I’ve had a lot of interests, so I’ve been in a lot of clubs that intersected with diverse groups of people. And I loved them all. I had never met a person I didn’t feel like I could get along with. So most of my life, it’s been everyone.

Most of my life.

… until

the

church.

And that’s left me scratching my head.

Hurt.

Perplexed.

And at times wondering if maybe my Myers-Briggs results were right: I get along with either everyone or no one. I had my season of everyone. Maybe now I was having my season of no one?

Uggh. That feels so defeatist.

So downhearted.

How do I get out of this season?

I can remember days in high school when people would ask me, “Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?” I can now confidently say, “Yes!”

But that’s not an answer I ever wanted to be confident in. I am so used to getting along with people that I have been so bewildered. With the people I can’t seem to get along with, what is it that makes it that way? Is there something I’m not getting about the Bible? Something I’m not getting about the Christian dynamics? What do I need to change? Is there something they all have in common that I need to be watchful for and aware of?

For a while, I wondered if it had to do with the part of the country. I got along with mid-westerners growing up. I got along with southerners in college. Now I live on the east coast. Maybe there was something I wasn’t getting about east coasters that I needed to adjust to? Maybe. But not all east coasters fit into that, and as it turned out, not all that I couldn’t seem to get along with were east coasters.

Maybe it was some subsection of evangelicals? Maybe there was some background something that I was rubbing the wrong way? Or maybe it was east coast evangelicals? Maybe. But it still didn’t seem to quite pinpoint the problem, so how was I to work on a solution?

Then I thought maybe it was people with the Strengthsfinder of Command. I thought I was really on to something for a while. I still wasn’t sure what to do about it, but maybe I was getting close to at least figuring out what was going on. But then I met people with Command with whom I get along.

So what was it? And was it anything I needed to adjust to? Was it something I could do differently and solve? Was it something I needed to be aware of and just live with?

Hmmmm…..

I got to the place where I remember thinking, “I *used* to like people.” And that so saddened me. It was hard to be in relationships. Hurtful. Consistently devastating. It was a pattern that was depleting me. It was so incredibly painful – and so seemingly unpredictable – that it was getting really hard to reach out in relationship. I couldn’t figure out what the trigger was that made for such hurtfully unpleasant relationships. But I needed to understand it. I needed to be in healthy relationships.

As I was driving back from an assertiveness workshop this week, the Lord provided my answer. After spending a day reinforcing my ability to defend myself – to see myself as valuable and not accept when others treat me otherwise, the Lord provided the answer I’d been pondering for years. The answer has been crystallizing over the past year, and the clarity and freedom just completely snapped into place.

I don’t get along with verbally abusive slanderers.

That is the one thing all these relational dynamics have in common.

If you’ve been following this blog long, you’re well aware that it took me a long time to embrace the concept of verbal abuse… and then a long time to accept that it was happening in the church. It’s taken me a long time to be willing to articulate the phrase and say it confidently out loud. I don’t like it, and I wish it didn’t exist. But it does. I don’t like the pain it has caused in my life. But it has. To identify and embrace the problem is critical. It is essential to its solution.

Then the Lord added a piece that was really freeing:

I don’t get along with verbally abusive slanderers.
And I’m ok with that.

I don’t need to do all kinds of gymnastics to get along with people when they are being verbally abusive. If they’d like to be verbally abusive, that’s their decision. I choose not to be a part of that relationship. If they’d like to slander, that’s their decision. I choose not to, and I choose not to be around them when they do. If others would like to be in relationships with them, that is their decision. I choose differently.

Now there is something I do need to do differently: I need to be assertive. This ‘selflessness’ where I don’t consider myself and let them ‘externally process’ (when they are actually verbally abusing me and slandering me but I am excusing it as externally processing) – that I need to change. I need to quit being passive and start being assertive. That I need to block.

And if they don’t like it, that’s ok. If they want to sin, that is their decision. I cannot force the relationship to work. I cannot do enough gymnastics to make it healthy. Nor should I.

It’s the clarity that I’ve been seeking. And it provides such freedom.

I don’t get along with people when they are being verbally abusive and slandering. And I’m ok with that.

photo credit: Unfamiliar Tide

an inspiring little donkey

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Do you remember e-mail forwards? Oh my – we used to get lots of them! Cute pictures, funny stories, political digs, ironic jokes. Occasionally there would be something really valuable – a gem of a forward!

One of the great things about this Facebook era is it seems there are far fewer forwards. One post from the other day totally reminded me of e-mail forward days.. and gratefully, it was one of those ‘gems of a forward’ kind of posts!

DonkeyInTheWell

Have you seen this story about the farmer and the donkey?

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the donkey was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He shook it off and took a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

The moral?

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Kind of cute, right?

It has totally stuck with me. I must have read it two weeks ago now, and the image just sticks with me: that cute little donkey just trotting off!

I love journeying with you all as I unpack the last decade of my life. It has been so incredibly strengthening and clarifying for me. Though it took me too long to be willing to accept, I now understand that much of my struggle was a result of verbal abuse. And to even be able to say that directly has taken me another year or more. Being able to process and wrestle through all of this, come to terms with it, and help convey its destruction has been so valuable.

Yet this image sticks with me: that cute ol’ donkey shaking off the dirt, stepping up, and happily trotting on!

I was talking with a woman with whom I have the privilege of working with. She is crazy wise. I love that about her. She has a past that could easily be described as a ‘victim’ past. One of the things she shared struck me: she said one of the hardest things about being a victim is to shake off the ‘victim’ mindset. It’s valuable to finally be able to acknowledge, to accept, to work through… and then to be freed from. It can be hard for victims sometimes to heal past the ‘victim’ mindset.

One of my other friends – the kind of guy we’ll all be serving in heaven! – also has what could be described as a ‘victim’ past. I was talking with him just the other day about how he wanted to go into school psychology to help other children in situations similar to his. But he realized he just couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t relive his experiences and the emotion of them over and over again.

So I’ve been wrestling about what is best for me. How can I best shake off the dirt and trot along? Do I have more dirt to shake off? How much more? And is ‘stepping up’ for me being an advocate and teaching about verbal abuse? Or is that keeping me stuck reliving victimhood?

All that from a little ol donkey!! : )

I don’t have an answer today.

But I do know this: something about that silly story has given me hope. In my healing, I kept thinking that I felt like I was about 70% of where I wanted to me. That was great… except I kept feeling like I was at 70%… kind of stuck there… and I wasn’t sure how to get past that. And there is just something about that silly donkey trotting off that makes me smile inside. I know it seems crazy, but these last couple of weeks, I feel like I’m making progress ~ closer to 80% of where I want to be. I have hope. I like shaking the dirt off. I like that doing so is helping me step up. Not just shaking it off and running away… but shaking it off and stepping up with the experiences taking me to a different place. Helping me make progress. Step by step. Gradually. And then one day…trotting along!

I hope he helps you trot along, too :)

6 More Ways to Increase your Joy!

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A grammar lesson?  I thought we were talking about joy!  I don’t consider grammar very joyful : )

Fair point.  But I think you may find this insight valuable.  It’s from my favorite book on joy, Champagne for the Soul by Mike Mason.

“The Lord cares more about adverbs than verbs.”

He wants us to serve him joyfully… to give cheerfully.  So to increase our joy, it may be that we need to add a few ‘-ly’s to our journey.  Like these…

1.  Be joyful completely!

“Joy is not halfhearted; completeness is one of its marks. Indeed completeness marks every good gift from above.  Why be partly free if I can be ‘free indeed’ (John 8:36)?”

The Lord is a big fan of completeness – He desires us to rejoice in Him always (Philippians 4:4; 1 Thessalonians 5:16), to always have hope (Psalm 71:14), to always give thanks (Ephesians 5:20).

I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  ~ John 15:11

He desires for His joy to be in us… that our joy may be *complete*!  It must occupy every nook and cranny.  What is keeping you from being completely joyful?

“Joy will not compete for long with doubts, denials, excuses, compromises.  Either the doubts must go, or joy goes.  Joy wants all or nothing. “

Why?  I love this:

“Joy is bent on covering the whole earth with the glory of God.”

2.   Be joyful intentionally!

“To accept joy as a commandment is to admit that it doesn’t come to one effortlessly but requires the cooperation of the will to achieve.”

Isn’t that true of most any command in Scripture?  We have commands for the things for which we need to train our bodies.  And how fun is it to train for joy!  So we throw off or give to the Lord anything that weighs us down from His fullness in our lives.

“The heart lifts as all that weighs it down is sacrificed.  If I want to be happy in Jesus, I must begin by setting aside all other goals.”

What would those be for you?

“Joy requires single-mindedness.”

This is classic Mike Mason imagery (I told you I was giving a type A take on his inspirations! : ))…

“Imagine yourself in a meadow gathering wildflowers-violets, let’s say.  There are other flowers in the meadow, but you have eyes only for the purple violets.  When you’re finished, do you have a fistful of stones or twigs or grasses?  No, you have a bouquet of violets.”

As we expect it and develop a habit of looking for it, we’ll see the Lord’s glory increasingly… perhaps in some of the most unexpected places!

“Every day joy waits to be gathered.”

3.    Be joyful always!

Some days do just seem dreary.  So how in the world do we rejoice always?  I like Mike’s take:

“If you’re having the sort of day that rates a two out of ten, why not make it the best possible two?”

If we’re suffering, we might as well seek to do it well!  It’s all about the adverbs, right? : )

And the results may actually delight you…

“In reaching for the top of the two, I’ve often been surprised to find my hand closing around ten.”

4.   Stand firmly against sin that so easily entangles.

Notice the adverb in this chunk of Hebrews 12:1:

sin that so easily entangles

It often isn’t the ‘huge, enormous’ sins that catch us; for many of us, it’s not murder or sacrificing to Baal that confronts us regularly.  It’s the ones that *easily* entangle us.  Like when someone cuts us off on the road.  Or when the automatic snow blower breaks down and we lose our patience.  Or when we give in to our holiday temptations.  What are the things that easily entangle you?

I know they seem small.  But remember – the Lord wants us to be joyful *completely*!  Taking a little chip away inhibits that completeness.  Don’t underestimate the small victories in your life over the seemingly insignificant temptations.  Stand firmly for complete joy!

5.    Embrace problems courageously.

Sometimes we can see problems as an enemy of joy.  But that’s not the case in Scripture – they are actually intertwined.  Paul talks intensely of both:

  • “sorrowful yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10)
  • “in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds” (2 Corinthians 7:4)
  • “full of joy” (Romans 16:19) and “great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart” (Romans 9:2)

It is possible to be joyful in our suffering.  We will suffer, but misery is optional.

How can we be joyful in our suffering?

“Scripture doesn’t separate joy and suffering; they’re held together by perseverance.” (Romans 5:3)

Instead of seeing problems as the problem, we persevere through them…remembering our adverbs! : ) We don’t persevere begrudgingly, but courageously:

“Wishing problems away is a sure recipe for bringing them on.  The devil smells this weakness in us, this reluctance to fight, and moves in swiftly for the kill.  It’s much harder for him to attack those who, knowing they’ll emerge victorious, are willing to take on anything.”

In Christ, we are victorious.  Christ can take on anything.  As we live in Him,

“Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17

Amen!!

6.    Above all, pursue God.

“In our pursuit of happiness, it isn’t happiness alone we pursue but the God of happiness.”

God is the heart, source, essence, and entirety of joy!

“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” ~ Psalm 90:14

Joy results from being satisfied in God’s unfailing love.  God “has given us everything we need for life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3)… especially his unfailing love!

I pray you and I will carve out some time to rest in Him, reflect on the ways we’re satisfied in Him, and experience the complete joy He offers this holiday season!

photo purchased from 123rf.com

11 Ways to Increase your Joy!

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“Joy is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it, the stronger it grows.”

The holiday season can quickly become so. insanely. busy.  Often it’s lots of great stuff – time with friends and family, attending events that celebrate Christ, finding gifts for those we love.  And sometimes it is also filled with reminders of those we’ve lost, desires for those we wish were in our life, stresses of expectations, and sometimes too much busyness.  As we strive to think about things that are praiseworthy, how can we be sure to experience the joy of Christ in the midst of it all?

I’ve consulted my trusty favorite resource on joy – Mike Mason’s Champagne for the Soul. In it, he embarks on an enlightening, challenging, and inspiring 90 day experiment in joy. To help us truly experience the fullness of joy, I’ve pulled out a few themes  that I just loved from his devotions.  It’s a bit of a type A take on his thought-a-day inspirations, but we are in the busy holiday season, right? : )  There is so much good stuff in here that inspires me as we seek to set our minds on things that are praiseworthy!

Without further ado, 11 tips on joy!

1.  Believe joy is limitless.

So many indulgences are best rationed – like chocolate, holiday goodies, delicious pie, egg nog – even things like buying presents!  It’s fun, but it’s better without credit card debt for sure.  But joy is different:

“We think joy is like sugar or chocolate and we’re only allowed so much.”

I needn’t ration out joy.  There is no shortage of it.  Instead, we can celebrate its limitless!

“Why not accept the grand, stupendous gift of life like a big chunk of watermelon, letting the sweet, pink flesh melt in your mouth, and as for the rest, spit it out?  Why gnaw away dolefully on seeds and rind?”

At end of the list of fruit of Spirit – which includes joy! – Paul says “against such things there is no law”! There is no law against joy. It is a fruit of our limitless God. His kingdom is full of lavish abundance. Indulge and enjoy!

2.  Echo God’s joy.

So joy is limitless, but what about when I don’t feel joyful?  Where and how do I get joy?

“Far from originating joy, humans are meant to be like an echo, reverberating with God’s joy and sending it back to Him.  The very word rejoice contains (in the prefix “re”) this idea of ‘over again’ or ‘back.’”

It’s the ole “Lord, I don’t have any of that today.  May I borrow yours?”  Of course!  And it’s nothing to feel bad about.  Going to the source of unspeakable joy is, well, brilliant.

And powerful.

“The joy that comes from the Holy Spirit is the Lord’s joy, not mine… the joy of the Lord Jesus who has once and for all overcome the whole world… the joy of someone raised from the dead and sitting at the right hand of God in heaven, for whom the battles of earth are all over.”

And a life-giving light.

“The message of joy bears repeating, for in this dark world we need to hear about joy again and again.  Paul so obviously thought so when he wrote from a prison cell, ‘I will say it again: Rejoice!’ True joy is tireless.  It’s like a little child squealing, ‘Do it again, Daddy!’ to which our heavenly Daddy replies heartily, ‘Yes, let’s do it again!  And again and again!’”

And limitlessly enlivening.

“Feelings come and go, but the presence of God in Jesus can be known, fondly recalled, and embraced at every moment of every day, forever, without limit.”

Rejoicing in the Lord is echoing God’s joy.  It’s giving Him praise:

 “Will you give back what is rightfully His and so take hold of the joy that is rightfully yours?”

Such a simple thing that so powerfully exudes and elicits joy.

3.   Rest.

Interesting, right?  It’s the very busyness of the season of celebrating Christ that can steal our joy.

In the Bible, joy and rest are intimately linked:

“If you call the Sabbath a delight… then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land.”  ~ Isaiah 58:13-14

We’re still several weeks out from Christmas.  Be preemptive to protect and enable joy this holiday season – Mark times of rest on your calendar for you and your family.  If joy is eluding you, rest may be what you need.  And more than rest, resting in the Lord.

4.   Resist boredom.

Ironically, an enemy of joy can be boredom!

“the great enemy of happiness, ennui”

Either from being happy all the time:

“a new enemy loomed – boredom… The way takes on a sameness, a tedium, a frightening narrowness.”

Or simply by running out of things to talk about and think about, so we start thinking about things that are wrong, being critical, or complaining.  For a person committed to thinking things that are praiseworthy, some roads are no longer open, like complaining, critiquing, bonding over cutting down another person.  Don’t give in to boredom.  Don’t start down those roads and get jostled and stuck in those potholes.  Commit to going a different road.

“Yet I held on, and in the end I won through a dimension of joy that I hadn’t dreamed possible.”

You’ll be glad you did.

5.   Embrace the challenge.

Speaking of not going down certain roads, is a life of joy really too narrow?  Is trying to think about things all the time that are praiseworthy limiting?

I.  love.  this.  quote.

If you’ve skimmed the other ones, read this one.  It’s fantastic.

“God’s name ‘I AM’ (Exodus 3:14) denotes His constancy-the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  We, by contrast, are characterized by inconstancy-so much so that we can hardly conceive of being joyful all the time.  We sidestep the challenge of such a life by calling it too narrow, when really we’re evading the development of character as dependable as God’s.”

It’s so good you may even want to read it again.  Or at least the last sentence!

“We sidestep the challenge of such a life by calling it too narrow, when really we’re evading the development of character as dependable as God’s.”

Wow.  Part of the journey of joy – part of the journey of thinking things that are praiseworthy – is our character development.  And it’s hard.  Developing a character as dependable as God’s is no easy task.  But in that is its great reward!

“At times the joyful life looks like lashing myself to the mast in a storm.  Yes, I’ll be tested to the limits of endurance, for if I’m not, how will I ever know the limitlessness of joy?”

Embrace the challenge to know the limitless of joy!

Wow.  So much good stuff.  Which one is most inspiring to you?  Let me know below.

We’ll take a few days to try to live out one of these in our lives… and I’ll bring you the remaining 6 tips on Tuesday!

photo purchased from 123rf.com